I Was Sorted Into Gryffindor
by LoryBr
Summary: Sirius Black... need I say more?
1. Childish Games

**Chapter One: **Childish Games

* * *

I am Sirius Black. From the _Noblest Most Ancient House of Black._ A whole lot of bullshit if you ask me. A family so deep in the dark arts and pureblood mania I was surprised none of them became Death Eaters until my generation was born and hell broke loose. This is the story of how I survived over the years before I met my downfall by the person I used to love so much.

I grew up closest to my cousin Bellatrix. We were closest in age but as we grew older we grew more apart until what was left of our love were the memories of happy summer days and the not so happy memories that led us through our childhood. The day we stopped talking came as a surprise for everyone, even my mother...

* * *

"Hey," said Bellatrix that day she came back from her first year at Hogwarts. I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling and my gaze didn't change direction. "Why didn't you answer any of my letters?"

During the year, she had written letters that had remained unanswered and I really was not in the mood for explaining anything to her.

"If it wasn't because I didn't have time, it was because I didn't feel like it," I said shrugging. I looked at her just in time to see the pain in her eyes changing rapidly to hostility. I was being harsh on her for a reason and she knew it: She had been sorted into Slytherin.

"Why are you acting like that? Why do you ignore me?" she inquired. I ignored her sudden outburst and looked back at the ceiling. I wished she had gotten the point, but apparently, she didn't. Bellatrix was not one to let her questions remain unanswered. "Answer me you muggle loving fool!"

Her eyes widened as she registered what she had just said, but before she could say anything, I was on my feet and pushing her out the door while answering coldly, "You just answered your own question, Bellatrix."

She tried to talk to me but I slammed the door on her face. She tried to talk to me through the door but almost immediately gave up, as I wouldn't utter an answer.

* * *

I successfully avoided her for the rest of the summer. I was trying miserably to enjoy the few hours I had left at the hole I had to call a home, when I met her again. The last time I talked to her like we used to back to the previous year.

* * *

"Bored?" asked a voice from the fireplace. I was already planning my escape plan but she spoke before I could. "Sirius, I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, curiously as though I didn't know what she was talking about.

"For failing you," she said quietly. "Our promise. Everything."

I stared at her for a moment before sitting on the couch opposite from her. "What happened?"

"I don't know I just think that what we dream of is never going to happen," she said. "I don't think I can keep that promise much longer, Sirius. I've changed."

A year. Just a year and she fails to try to succeed. She fails to follow her dreams. Bellatrix Black no longer existed in my world. The Bellatrix I loved was sweet, caring, and independent. This Bellatrix was cold, ambitious... A monster that wanted to haunt my memories. In addition, she was only an eleven year old. Two minutes before I was praying for the hours between me and Hogwarts to vanish in a second, now I feared what I would encounter. I feared what it was going to be like to meet Bellatrix Black of Slytherin House.

"Am I not aloud to change my views from when I was ten years old?" she said, innocently. That just didn't fit. This was not the same person. I couldn't bring myself to express how I felt calmly, so I exploded with anger.

"You changed your views in a year, Bella! Only because you befriended people who have the same pureblood mania as our parents! I don't think I even know you anymore! Do you realize how much it meant to me the promise that we made about following our instincts? No, of course you don't 'cause you'd rather please everyone else than please yourself!" I had no idea where that came from, but I felt older. I felt as though I had aged in a second fifty years that weighed a ton on my shoulders. I was furious. My mind was racing with pain, suffering, anger, and frustration and before I could put my thoughts in order, I said the words I never intended to say, but didn't regret them either. "Bellatrix Black is dead to me. You are no longer my cousin."

I stormed out of the room, not waiting for an answer. Only to be followed by my mother, who had been listening from the doorway.

"Why do you say such things, Sirius?" she said, calmly. My mother was never really that bad, that was until I was sorted into Gryffindor. "Do you know how much he cares for you? She's just following her heart, as should you. You can't just go socializing with muggle-born and half-bloods."

...Then there were times when she wasn't so nice...

"Apologize immediately."

I stared at my mother before going up to my room. "You know what, Mother. I think I'll let this one pass." I slammed the door behind me and I could fell my mother glaring daggers at the door. She cared for me and my cousin, but she didn't care enough to let me be.

* * *

Years at Hogwarts weren't very easy for the both of us. We mostly tried to avoid each other but the times we did encounter we both tried our best to embarrass each other in front of our friends, but mostly she was the one who got embarrassed.

Fifth year was really the turning point of my life. Regulus was sorted into Slytherin and was added to the list of scumbags trying to take my pride away. If my parents didn't have time for me before Hogwarts, they had even less now. They were too busy kissing the ground Regulus, Bellatrix and Narcissa walked on. The only time I got attention was when I got detention or just to brag about my intelligence to friends and other family members.

Sixth year, I finally opened my eyes completely the moment Bellatrix wanted to talk to me, as we had done six years before...

* * *

"Siri?" she said as she opened the door to my room. I stiffened; I had not heard that tone in so long it even made me shiver.

"What do you want?" I said curtly, I was not in the mood for a friendly conversation with her.

"I only wanted to know if you will ever forgive me."

I snorted. If it were not because I was in no mood to laugh, I would have probably died.

"I want to ask you something, Bella," I said, coolly. "D'you think I should forgive you? I really want to know what you think because it would really help in the easy mental debate I would have to answer your question," she looked away from me ashamed. She knew I could not bring myself to forgive her; it was just not in my nature to forgive betrayers. "You see, Bella. I think I made clear you were not my cousin anymore. The life you are living is not what you deserve, or at least what the old Bella deserved. She deserved a man who loved her and really cared for her but look at the bloody bastard you're going to marry! D'you think I feel proud of what you've become? D'you think I like not talking to you? I hate it! I hate the tense silence there is every time we are in the same room! I hate that I'm still trying to get accustomed to not having someone to understand me and is not an outside person! I hate not having you, but right now I don't think you deserve forgiveness."

She stared at me, silent tears running down her face. It took me aback to see her cry, because Bellatrix Black never cried.

"I hate," she started softly. "The way you're the only one that can see through me, Sirius. But I can't back out–"

"You don't want to back out, Bella," I said, my anger remaining passive. "And this time I won't do anything to stop you, 'cause you made your decision. Now please, leave."

She opened her mouth to say something but immediately closed it and left.

* * *

The last time I ever saw Bellatrix. Unless you count that glimpse I got of her coming in to Azkaban. Okay so I got a good look at the remains of my beloved cousin...

* * *

I saw her as she approached my cell. It was a though it was another person, my beautiful cousin had vanished and in her place was a cold, horrible woman. Her long black hair was pulled back in a ponytail and it had lost its life, just like her piercing blue eyes now looked cold, dark, and haunted. She looked at me with pure hatred and I looked at her the same way.

"These were not childish games, Bella," I said as she passed by.

"They were, in my mind," she replied. I knew she had regretted not listening to me all those years ago. Now, she was paying for it.

Bellatrix never thought she would be thrown in Azkaban. Hell, when we were kids she always said she would never kill anyone. Well, many years later she did as well as if she had killed them, she drove innocent people insane because she was blinded by malice. However, no matter what side we were on we would always lose. I was in the good side, she was in the bad. Nevertheless, I Sirius Black and my cousin Bellatrix Black were both imprisoned for the same reason: we never thought about the consequences of our actions.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I have no reason to kill a hot-sexy-drop-dead-gorgeous man.

**A/N: **I kind of fixed the chapter a little. I got some reviews and I decided to read back on my work and damn did this chapter and chapter two suck? Lol... hope you enjoyed it this time. Don't forget to review... always review.


	2. One Happy Family

**Chapter Two: **One Happy Family

* * *

Talking about my family was never easy for me. I hated it when my friends would talk about how much they loved their parents and I couldn't even bring myself to talk to them or about them. It was too uncomfortable for me to say things they had done for me... 'cause they'd never done anything except sour my life from the minute I was born.

My father and my brother were the only ones with whom I felt remotely comfortable with. My mum was a special issue. Sometimes she made me feel like she loved me, but other times it was as though she regretted the day I was born.

My father never really minded much that I wasn't into the Dark Arts or that I had been sorted into Gryffindor. However, at first he didn't but then he did minded if I married a pureblood, something my rebellious self, I knew, wouldn't allow me to do. He had more faith in me that he had in my brother, I was clever and brave, something my brother proved, he was not. I loved my father, though I never actually got a chance to voice my feelings. I loved him 'til the moment he joined Bellatrix in my list of most hated people...

* * *

"Sirius, I need to talk to you," he said one day during the summer holidays before my sixth year. _'I now have proof miracles exist,' _I thought as I entered the study.

"Yes, Father?" I said hesitantly, I had never been in his study before. _'This must be really important.' _I looked around the room, _'comfy...' _My thoughts were interrupted by what were the last words I ever thought my father would say.

"Your mother and I have decided," he said looking at me. I felt slightly uncomfortable but looked back at him. "who you will be marrying."

I blinked. My father knew the outburst was coming, for he flinched before I had even started, "What?" I yelled at him. "What d'you think you're doing? You can't control my life! I have a girlfriend and I love her very much, thanks!" I was red with anger. I knew what he was doing this to me. My mother had talked him into it after I told them I had a girlfriend. After I told them I loved her and was planning on marrying her.

"She's a mud–"

"Don't you dare say that word, Father! You really don't want to say it!" I warned him through gritted teeth.

He sighed, "she's a muggle-born and your mother and I disapprove of her–"

"Two weeks ago you could've cared less! Mum says a few sweet words and suddenly you arrange my marriage like it's some kind of game? I don't care how much you disapprove, Father. Last I checked it's my life, and I will be with whoever I bloody want to be!" I yelled standing up.

"You don't talk to me like that! Sirius, _sit down!_" he said dangerously. I sat slowly back down and glared at my father, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"You will not, Sirius Black, under any circumstance put the Black family in the spot again! I already had to deal with you being sorted into Gry–"

"Since when have you cared that I was sorted into Gryffindor? To tell you the truth, Father, I'm proud of being a Gryffindor, 'cause that proves that I'm an individual and not like everyone else in this cursed family!" I said, anger was getting the best of me, alright. I just wasn't thinking straight, how could my father do this to me? How?

My father started to say something but I didn't want to hear it. I stood up and stormed out of the room... the last time I ever saw my father. I didn't even go to his funeral, not that I'd be missed.

* * *

That day I had another row, this time with my mother. That old hag, which after some time I only called a mother out of respect. She never loved me, the fact that I was sorted into Gryffindor only made her hate me more than she already had...

* * *

I was calmly packing the remaining of my things, I was still pondering my decision to leave, when I heard her coming down the hall. I prepared myself for her rant just in time.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" what a sweet way to come into her son's room, but what could I expect from that heartless bitch?

"WHAT?" I too was in the mood of yelling. All my anger and frustration was coming out. I didn't want to abandon my little brother but my mother was pulling the last straw.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" she asked. I was already scanning my mental notes, _'ahhh... found it! Her rows are always frequently asked questions..."_

"How dare you speak to me like that," I mocked her, making a face and everything. I even said it in her high-pitched voice. It was funny, but not for her.

"Sirius, you are going to marry–"

"I'm going to marry, whoever the bloody hell I want to marry and you won't do anything about because you can't do anything about it!" I yelled, like always, bloody mad. "Now, get the hell out of my room! I have better things to do than listen to your whining!"

"You're not coming down to sit at my table tonight or for the rest of the summer!" she said as she made her way to the door.

"Then go, so I can bawl my bloody eyes out!" I said sarcastically. I wish that was the last time I saw her but her damn portrait made sure I was miserable 'til the day of my death.

* * *

My brother was also an important part of my life. He looked up to me as an inspiration but Bellatrix and Narcissa felt the need to drag him away from me. To immerse him in the Dark Arts and make my little brother unrecognizable in my eyes.

The day I left my house he was the only that saw and stopped me...

* * *

"Sirius, where are you going?" he asked quietly as I made my way toward the door.

"What are you doing up, Regulus?" I asked, I wanted to leave but the sudden sadness in his voice was making me hesitate.

"I heard you and Dad have a row," he swallowed. "Then you and Mum. Sirius, don't leave me here alone."

I went up to him and hugged him. "Don't worry you'll see me at Hogwarts. And you can owl me."

"Bu what's going to happen to you?"

"Don't worry, kiddo," I said ruffling his hair. "I can take care of myself."

I left without looking back.

* * *

What was in store for me at Hogwarts was not what I expected, my brother was a changed kid. My brother Regulus didn't exist...

* * *

After the welcome feast was over I went over to where Regulus was making his way toward the Slytherin Common Room.

"Regulus!" I shouted, he looked back at me and immediately turned back around and continued his way.

I felt my heart sink. My little brother didn't acknowledge me. I ran to catcha up with him.

"Regulus what's wrong with you?" I asked, concerned. He only glared at me and started walking again.

"Hey... hey, look at me," I said, sternly. He stopped dead and looked at me. I tried to find a reason why he would be mad at me but I couldn't find any.

"What do you want, you fool!" Regulus said, hotly. I stared at him.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked and it suddenly hit me. "Have you been hanging out with Bella?"

"What d'you care?" he said, turning around and running toward the common room. I didn't follow. I started looking around for one person, but instead I found two. They both had the trademark Black smirk and were looking at me with superior looks. Bellatrix and Narcissa had taken away the only person in my family I had left. I glared at them, then straightened up and went up the marble staircase never looking back, though I could feel two pairs of eyes following me.

* * *

That was it. I was completely deserted by the Black family, except for the occasional letters from Andromeda. When I was about nineteen or twenty I received the last letter I would ever receive from Regulus. I didn't hate him, I resented not being there for him. I felt frustrated the day I learned he became a Death Eater, because it had all been my fault...

* * *

I was sitting on my flat killing some time when my brother's owl landed in front of me. I looked at the letter hesitating a little... well, a lot before taking it and tearing it open.

_Dear Sirius,_

_Remember me? Your heartless little brother? The one who got all the family pride because he **was** sorted into Slytherin? The one that at twelve has the courage to stand up to you? Yeah, I'm sure you do. Well, I'm writing to tell you I'm still alive and kicking. And from what I can see I am not going to be killed anytime soon. You see, I'm smarter than you are, and I proved it. I joined the Death Eaters. Thanks for your congratulations. I do hope you will someday open your eyes and join our side. If not, then farewell my brother, 'cause this might as well be the last time you hear from me._

_Love always,_

_Regulus_

I laughed. It was the only thing I could do. Laugh. Clever? Joining Death Eaters was being clever? I immediately regretted laughing. My little brother was a criminal. My little brother would soon become a murderer.

* * *

A couple of months later he died. If you want to know the truth I cried the day I found out. I had failed my little brother. I pitied him and was proud of him at the same time. Pity because he was a good kid gone bad, and I was proud of him because though he knew he'd be killed, he realized how wrong he was.

He never joined my list of most hated people, he was too immersed in his own stupidity to be hated. I put him in my people-to-be-pitied list, out of pure pity.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **You can sue... I'm pretty sure you can get something with the paper clip I have in my pocket...

**A/N:** Lots of changes as you can see. ::wink::


	3. The Kiss of the End

**Chapter Three: **The Kiss of the End

* * *

Fifth year was probably the happiest year of my life. James, Remus, and I became animagi, and I found my match.

She was a really pretty Ravenclaw prefect. Marissa Young made me believe in the opposites attract philosophy. I was a clown, she was well mannered... I got detention... thanks to her. By the way, that's how I met her... my first detention of fifth year, about a week into term...

* * *

"Miss Young, please stay with Mr. Black as he serves his detention," said Professor McGonagall, to a prefect that was passing by. The minute I saw her I stopped what I was doing and Professor McGonagall noticed. "Mr. Black would you mind closing your mouth, putting your eyes back in their sockets and keep cleaning the floor?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes ma'am."

I went back to scrubbing the floor and didn't lose my concentration 'til McGonagall had left. But it was not me who broke the silence, but Miss Marissa Young.

Marissa snorted. "That is weird, you in detention."

"Do I know you?" I asked, not looking at her.

"No," she replied. "I'm from the half of the school you haven't dated."

"And what makes you think I've dated half the school?" I looked up at her. "Have you been watching?"

She blushed crimson. I had that effect on girls, making them blush by a simple question. "No," she answered quietly.

"What was that?" I asked, pretending I hadn't heard her.

"Umm," she said. "Maybe?"

I laughed. "Would you mind telling me why girls stalk me, since you seem to be one of the few that doesn't?"

Marissa snorted. "Don't tell you haven't seen yourself in the mirror?" again, she blushed. See? I have that effect on girls.

"Well, I actually go for the ones who never stalk me," I said. "The ones who watch me from a distance when they have the chance." I smirked, she just kept on blushing. I didn't give the poor girl a chance to turn to her normal color.

She looked up at me. "You seem kind of the person to take challenges..."

"I'm a Gryffindor! What d'you expect?" I asked, she laughed. "Well, that's why I said it," she said. Boy I was being mean.

"If you keep blushing I'm going to be able to make breakfast on your face."

"Well, that wouldn't happen if you didn't hit on me," she said, an eyebrow raised.

"Then I guess I'll cook breakfast," I smirked and she smirked back.

"How about another punishment, Black?" she said, still smirking. "Trophy room, with Filch, is that okay?" I felt the color drain from my face, but I immediately recovered.

"How 'bout Astronomy Tower, you and me?" I said, her jaw almost dropped but she recovered before it had. "Doesn't that sound better?"

"For one of your groupies, that's perfect. For me," the dirty blond haired girl said turning around. "It's a little overused."

The girl had comebacks? What does she use? Comeback book for the Idiots? "Overused?" I blurted.

"Yes," she said, turning back around and smirking. "The dungeons sounds a whole lot better..."

"But it's cold–" I cut myself up, realizing for the first time what she meant. "Are you a virgin?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," she said. "But please, do try not to get your hopes up." she sat down on Gryffindor table, and I mean _on_ the table. "Now, could you please hurry up so I can go to bed?"

* * *

The girl drove me crazy. Innocent and a little devil... every little boy's fantasy. She didn't go out with me 'til Christmas and I was going mad every time she turned me down.

When I started dating her James got a little jealous "because I would spend all my time with her," but what was I to do? I liked her, hell forget the like, I loved her! If anyone was to tell me to throw my life away or sell my soul to the devil I would've done it right there. I guess life wasn't really for me, there were only a few perfect moments in my life and that day so many years ago, during our sixth year was one of them...

* * *

I was sitting under the beech tree at the edge of the lake with my legs crossed Indian-style and my head against the tree. It was my little place where I went to make up my mind or just to have some space to myself. I always sat in the same spot and in the same position. That day, though, it was different. I was sitting there trying to sort out the feelings of my heart. You know like, when you see a girl and say that's the one for me and ironically enough you end marrying her and having a kindergarten of kids running around, of which, you pray all of them are yours. Yep, I felt that way, I was over heels for her. I loved Marissa; there was no denying that fact.

I didn't hear her come; I was too lost in my thought of her to notice anything that went on around me.

"Thinking?" she said as she rested her head in my shoulder.

"Yeah," I said, our conversations were of poor vocabulary.

"About?"

"You."

She laughed. That beautiful laugh of hers that sounded like music to my ears. I know... cheesy, but that's how I felt. I looked around and noticed the sun setting in the distance behind the mountains, I saw birds flying around and the giant squid resting in the water. I knew right there, right now, it was the moment to take my relationship one step further.

"Marissa?" I said, as I looked for something in my right pocket. She raised her head and looked me in the eye to let me know she was listening.

I stood up and brought her up with me. I took both her hands in mine and looked her in the eye before taking a deep breath and getting down on one knee.

"Oh my God," she gasped, covering her mouth with her right hand and holding on to me with the other.

"Will you marry me?"

If it was a surprise for her, you can't imagine how I felt. My breath had caught up in my throat as she looked at me and hesitated before answering. I could feel the world caving in on me as my heart crumbled before she had spoken a word.

"Oh my God! Sirius, are you sure?" she said, looking at me as tears silently rolled down her face.

"If I didn't know you are the one for me my heart would probably tear my soul apart for not opening my eyes at your internal and external beauty," I said, smiling up at her. I suddenly felt like a poet, and an emotional one at that, I was crying too. "I love you."

She pulled me up and hugged me so tightly, I was thankful I hadn't been breathing for the past five minutes because she would have knocked all the air out of me.

"I love you, too, Sirius and yes! YES!" she choked, well yelled more like. "Yes, Sirius Black, I will marry you!" She kissed me like never before, the passion and lust we felt for each other coming out of their hiding place to make the evening an unforgettable one...

* * *

I was sixteen and engaged. That really surprised everyone but how could it not? It was something I always heard the giggly girls who were always following me around whisper behind our backs. The problem with these girls was that they would make up stories about me making out with them or even sleeping with them and make sure Marissa always heard them, she didn't care but she was a little jealous to hear them talking like that.

I was to blame because before I met Marissa, the girls would do exactly the same and to prove their points they would flirt with me the next morning and I would flirt back. At the beginning of fifth year everyone believed I had slept with every girl in the whole goddamn school! I never cared, I knew who I was and I knew what I did but Marissa was starting to doubt...

* * *

"Sirius?" she asked me one say we were sitting under the beech tree.

"Umm?" I said, kissing the top of her head.

"Were you, you know, well–" she cut herself off and started again. "You know, the day we got engaged?"

"Yeah," I replied, not really knowing were this conversation was going.

"What we did?" I nodded. "Had you done it before?" she asked clearing her throat, letting me know she was feeling uncomfortable having this kind of talk.

"No," I said, simply. I heard her breathe a sigh of relief. I was telling the truth, everything that had been said about my conquests had been and would always be a lie.

* * *

About a month after graduation she moved in with me. I felt like the happiest man alive for a while every time I woke up and found her lying next to me. But after a couple of months things started to get out of control and after three years she had had enough. Her jealousy was increasing with each passing moment I spent at the Ministry. Our fights were getting more pointless by the minute and one day she left and I thought I would never get her back...

(A/N: At this point my hopeless romantic self made an appearance... after all the other ones it made that is...)

* * *

"Sirius, where were you?" she asked, with her hands on her hips and a glare in place.

"At the Ministry," I said, walking past her and into the bedroom.

"It's one in the morning!" she yelled, coming into the room.

"Are you going to start with this again?" I was loosing every nerve I had left.

"Are you cheating on me, Sirius?" she asked, a little more calmed.

"What?" I yelled, turning around to face her. "Of course not!

She looked at me for a really long time and it was intimidating me. It was as though she was trying to read my thoughts and find something that was not there. I didn't cheat on her; I could've never done that because I lived for her. I couldn't just throw everything we had away for another woman.

"Sirius, I–" she stopped abruptly and looked at me once more. "I think I should move back into my parent's house."

I looked at her with fury written all over my face. I walked up to where she was keeping at least a two foot distance between us. "Why?" I asked quietly.

"'Cause I don't know you anymore! Every time you come home it's like you don't even care I'm here! I'm lucky if you even acknowledge my presence!" she said, as tears formed behind her eyes, but I knew she wouldn't cry.

"Marissa..." I closed my eyes and let the tense silence drown us as I thought for a long moment about the past months of my life.

"I need you to understand that the training is not easy for me," I said, finally opening my eyes. "I need this, Marissa. This is what I've wanted for a long time and I can't give it up now!"

"I know, Sirius, I'm just asking you for a little time. That's all, I need to put my thoughts in order," she took my face in her hands and forced me look at her in the eye. "I love you, Sirius. And right now, I need time."

I let her words sink in before pushing her hands away from my face. I went out of the room and she followed. "I'm going to James'. If you need me I'll be there."

I took my coat and was about to take floo powder when she shouted at me. "Always James! I'm sure you like spending more time with him that with your fiancée!"

"We're not going through this again, Marissa! I already told you once, and don't make me tell you again, James is my best friend and no matter what he'll always be there so you have to live with it if you want to be with me!"

"Fine!" she yelled before going back into the room. I put on my coat and went to James and Lily's house. I camped there for a couple of days before going back to my flat. What I found was not really what I expected. I went in and saw it empty. I checked the drawers, the closet, and the bathroom. Anything for a sign that Marissa hadn't moved out. The only thing I found was a letter.

_Dear Sirius,_

_The past years have been the best years of my life, but I don't think I can't live like this. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know who I am, and I need to find myself before I can make a decision. The past months have just been too difficult. I love you but I guess love is not enough. This is goodbye, Sirius. Take care of yourself and live freely._

_Love,_

_Marissa_

I crumpled the letter in my hand and let the tears that had been threatening to fall, flow freely. I was confused and hurt. The only feeling I could truly identify was hate. I was starting to hate her and even more when something fell on the floor from the envelope the letter had been in. It was the white gold engagement ring I had given her. It had only one diamond in it and it looked beautiful in her hand, but now it looked dreadful sitting on the floor without an owner. I picked it up and looked at it before sticking it in my pocket and leaving once again.

I made it to her parents' house in no time. I hesitated a little to long when I was about to knock 'cause I turned around and left. It would be a week before I even got out of bed. Thinking, always thinking about her...

I got out of the house and drove around on my bike not knowing where I was going. I stopped in front of her parents house and held my breath. Could I do it? Could I just knock and get her back? Will she take me back? Those thoughts had haunted me for the past week but I pushed them away as I knocked softly on the door.

Marissa opened the door and was surprised to see me. The first thing that crossed my mind was to say something but I couldn't myself to so I pulled toward me and kissed as passionately as that time in sixth year. After a few minutes I let her go, both gasping for breath.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" she said. "You look terrible."

"Marissa, take the ring back, please," I begged her. I didn't know what else to say, all I could think of was seeing that ring in her finger once again. "I can't bring myself to live without you."

"Sirius, I–" she looked at me for a long time and once again I could feel the world caving in one me. This time I knew for sure I was going to lose her.

And, I surprised as I was when I asked her to marry me I was even more surprised as she slowly took the ring back. "I need some time apart, but I won't break our engagement." she said smiling slightly. "'Cause I can't bear the thought of living without you, either."

I smiled back at her, that was all I needed to hear. Even if I couldn't see her for the next couple of weeks I was fine, I just couldn't bear the thought of never marrying her.

"I love you, Marissa."

"I love you too, Sirius."

After that I saw her once a week for merely an hour. After all, I had agreed to give her space and was more than willing to comply as long as I didn't have to search for another person to love. October twenty nine, nineteen eighty-one was the last time I saw her. I should've known I was not going to see her again, for she kissed me like never before. The kiss of the end.

* * *

I missed everything about her and the dementors took advantage of me constantly thinking about her until she became a blur in my mind. When I escaped Azkaban I hoped to find her somehow but I never went back into her arms and she never found her way back to mine. The last time I got news from her by Remus were not what I expected. That's the day I truly began to hate her. I died feeling both, love and hate for the woman of my life.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I'm not even British...

**A/N:** While writing this chapter my cheesy and hopeless romantic self kicked in to ruin the purpose of Marissa's character. Many times I sat in front of the computer trying to make her a real bitch and every time cheesy and hopeless romantic appeared. I was so tired of rewriting this chapter I decided to leave it like this. If you like it review, if you don't please a review with constructive criticism won't hurt. But REVIEW!


	4. Mispronunciation of Friendship

**Chapter Four:** Mispronunciation of Friendship

* * *

I could bet my life everyone who knows about my life at Hogwarts thinks Snape and I have been enemies ever since we laid eyes on each other... wrong. We were friends when we were younger, because we didn't know any better...

* * *

It was another day of boredom in the way-too-long summer holidays I was sitting on the sidewalk with Snape thinking of ideas for pranks. I guess, we just didn't share that passion for pranking.

"How 'bout we set my Mum's hair on fire with Dad's wand?" I asked him.

"No," he replied.

"Putting fireworks on Kreacher's cupboard?"

"No."

"Would you mind answering why you are my friend?" I asked, for the fiftieth million time. He truly was annoying me, lately. It was as though he liked boredom and darkness more than anything else in the world.

"Because we're from pureblood families and have no other option than getting along?"

"Yep, that was the reason I was looking for..."

"Hey, Sirius!" said a voice from behind us.

"Bella!" I said, standing up and running to hug her. "Thank the Lord you're here! I was already planning the best way to kill myself, but I won't have to anymore!"

I know, that was stupid. But that's how it was, and besides we were nine. "Help me, please! I'm dying of boredom and Severus is in no way helpful!"

"Okay, okay," she said, laughing at me. "How about we put fireworks in Kreacher's cupboard?"

Now is the best time for everyone to stop wondering why Bellatrix and I really liked each other. Our brains were one when it came for pranks, there was no denying that.

"Perfect!" I said, as we ran to the house. "Come on, Severus! You're going to miss all the fun!" I said over my shoulder, where Severus reluctantly followed...

* * *

Yes, our summer holidays went always pretty much like that. Until, Bella was sorted into Slytherin and I was left all alone. Severus fascination for the Dark Arts increased when Bella started talking about her first year at Hogwarts. If our friendship was pretty much dead by then, you just can't imagine what it was when he was sorted into Slytherin, and I was sorted into Gryffindor...

* * *

"Well, if it isn't the Black outcast," said Bellatrix in our second week into the term. I was lucky enough to never cross her path during that time. "And as I can see a Gryffindor outcast, too."

I think Bella should've thanked the heavens that day that looks can't kill.

"An outcast everywhere you go, I see," said Snape, from behind her.

"Is that all you monkeys can say?" I asked, annoyed. "That I'm an outcast? Because you know, I would rather be an outcast that teamed up with brainless prats."

So, I know that was not the cleverest thing to say. First, it was two on one. Second, I didn't have my wand. You can only imagine the field day they would've had if McGonagall hadn't made an appearance.

"What seems to be the problem?" she said, sternly. "I trust you were not thinking about dueling."

"Of course not, Professor McGonagall," I said, innocently. Heart melting smile and everything.

"We were just catching up," said Bellatrix, in a horribly sweet voice. "You know being in different houses and stuff."

"I see," said McGonagall, not really believing us. "Move along, now!"

* * *

About the outcast thing, I don't really feel like talking about it. But Snape was in for trouble, from my second year on...

* * *

"Well, if it isn't _Snivelly_," said fourteen-year old James Potter. Snape stood up and drew out his wand but James was faster. _"Locomotor Mortis!"_

Snape immediately fell to the floor with a thud as students nearby roared with laughter.

"See, Snivelly, you should've never called me an outcast all those years ago," I said, sneering at him. "As you can see, you are the outcast now... nobody seems to want to stand up for you and nobody will ever."

"_Finite Incantatem_," I said, taking the curse off of him. "You're just pitied meat."

"You'll pay for that one day, Black! I will see your downfall one day," he said, picking up his bag and storming away from the laughing students.

* * *

From there on things were pretty bad. I played the worst pranks ever on Snape, all because I couldn't stand his fascination with the dark arts. James was okay with pranks but I almost lost his friendship when I sent Snape to a full grown werewolf...

* * *

In my sixth year I heard that Snape wanted to know what Remus went away every month. I was maddened by the fact that he asked why Remus grandmother didn't die once and for all instead of making him go away so much. I thought I would never meet someone stupider that Regulus but apparently I did.

"Peter?" I said one morning during breakfast. I had that evil glint in my eyes and I could feel Peter staring almost afraid at me. "I have an idea."

He snorted, "That's weird."

"I'm serious–"

"I know you are."

I glared at him, that joke was already getting old. "Shut up and listen..." I told him my plan and immediately went into action.

"Peter, remember when you go to see Remus to prod the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow so that its branches won't take your eyes out," I told Peter when Snape was on earshot. I heard him stop dead in his tracks and then proceed. I smiled in triumph. This was going to be one hell of a night...

Not quite...

"You did WHAT?" yelled James, making half the people in the common room stare. The other half were already used to the yelling. "I can't believe this!"

"James–" I started to say but was cut off by James storming out of the common room. I tried to follow him but Peter stopped me.

"He's right, Sirius," he said sternly. When had the rat gotten a brain?

"Shut up, Peter!" I snapped at him. Then whispered, "I know he is..."

About forty five minutes later James stormed into the common room, I had never seen him so angry before. And the worst part... he was mad at me.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" he yelled. I flinched unconsciously. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? OH, I KNOW! YOU WEREN'T!"

"James–"

"YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM!"

"James–"

"DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN AZKABAN?"

"JAMES!" I yelled in frustration. "Would you mind keeping it down? Look, I know what I did was wrong and that there's no excuse for what I did, but–"

"I thought you said there was no excuse," he spat. I sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" I said. "I'll never do something like that again–"

"Prove it first," James said coldly. "Then we can do something about our friendship." He made his way toward the boys' dormitory and I could see the people looking at me sympathetically.

"What are you looking at?" I growled at some first years, who immediately resumed what they had been doing. I knew what _I _had to do. Apologize to Snape...

It proved to be a very difficult task. First, he would probably curse me before I got a word out and second, I was too preoccupied with the effects apologizing to Snape would cause to my reputation. I didn't want to, but I had to do it.

I saw him under the beech tree the next morning, his nose immersed in a book like always.

"Uh, Snape?" I said, "Severus."

He looked up at me, hate written all over his face. "What d'you want?"

I instantly regretted even thinking about apologizing, never in my life had Snape been so cold toward me.

"I only wanted to apologize for what I did yesterday," I swallowed hard; I couldn't believe I was doing this. "It was stupid and you could've died–"

"You realized that a little too late, Black," he said, his voice was flat. He stood up and left. I would've followed him, try to make him listen to me but that damned pride of mine would not let me.

* * *

As everyone already knows, we hated each other 'til the day I died. I don't know much about if he still hates me. One thing I can tell you for sure is that he belonged in both lists, the pitied people list and the most hated people list. He didn't really see my downfall, but he heard about it. The day I fell through that damned veil...

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it.

**A/N:** Thanks to Lady Nissa- your email really helped me. It gave me the idea of the Snape/Sirius friendship, it wasn't really like a tight friendship but, oh well.

Also thanks to everyone else who reviewed. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't worry I'll update soon!


	5. Rats Can Have Good Hearts

**Chapter Five:** Rats Can Have Good Hearts

* * *

Peter... Peter... Peter... now, where have I heard that name before? Oh, right! The dumb gone intelligent back to dumb and back to intelligent to a sign of genius to just plain stupid.

Peter Pettigrew was the last person I'd ever think would be a traitor. I remember the time James, Remus and I welcomed him into our group of friends. That day Severus Snape, my favorite person in the world, had been tormenting and I will never forget the gratefulness in Peter's eyes as we cheered him on...

* * *

"_Expelliarmus!"_ shouted Snape at a fat, short, innocent looking Gryffindor second year. I could feel my blood boil as I saw the poor boy being knocked into the wall behind him but James seemed to be feeling the same 'cause he already had his wand out and was making his way toward Snape.

"_Petrificus Totalus!"_ shouted James. I knelt next to Peter and noticed he was trembling. He looked terrified sitting on the floor staring blankly ahead to where Snape was now lying.

"Hey, Peter. Are you alright?" I asked him. He looked up at me surprised and nodded. "You know," I continued. "Why don't you show Snivelly over there how it feels to be bullied?"

Peter looked up to surprised. "But I can't duel!" he said to me, I chuckled.

"Course you can!" James said joining us. Remus was too much of a good boy to encourage another boy to hex the air out of loathed enemy. "All you have to do is point your wand and say, _Furnuculus_, and he'll wish he never messed with you."

Peter looked at us fear written all over his face. We weren't making fun of him as others would've thought, we were trying to help him stand up for himself. He looked at Snape who was recovering from the hex and looked back at us with determination in his eyes. Peter stood up and walked over close to where Snape was standing up, keeping distance just in case. Snape sneered at him, "Going to hex me, Pettigrew?"

Peter smiled, fearfully, but he smiled. He aimed his wand at Snape and to our surprise yelled, _"IMPEDIMENTA!"_ Snape was knocked off his feet and went flying backward into the wall. James, myself and some curious second, third, and fourth years clapped loudly and cheered for Peter, even Remus cheered for him. Peter smiled sheepishly as James and I threw ourselves at him and hugged him ruffling his hair in the process. He was one of us.

* * *

Idiot. I should've known from the beginning he was a bastard. The fight with Snape had probably been a plan to get into our circle of friends. To everyone James and I were Hogwarts most handsome, clever and powerful students... something we took advantage of many times. Including getting Peter a date...

During our fifth year end of term feast I noticed Peter's gaze shifting a lot toward the Ravenclaw table... I hoped he wasn't looking at my girlfriend. Close... he was looking at Marissa's best friend, Charlotte Stevens, a pretty blond, blue-eyed which could have perfectly passed for a veela. I smirked to myself as I planned the summer's adventure...

* * *

"Nice flat, Sirius," said Peter, admiring it for the first time. He made his way to the kitchen and gulped as he saw Charlotte sitting there chatting with Marissa. She looked up at him and lighted up.

"Peter! How nice to see you," she said, pleasantly. I snickered, Peter pale and was opening and closing his mouth with shock. "How are you?"

I hit him on the back and he immediately recovered... a little. "F– Fi– Fine..." he stammered. "You?"

"Never better!" Charlotte said brightly. If you want to know the truth, she actually thought Peter was cute, and she accepted my proposition of dating him without me having to use blackmail... "So, hey, umm... I was wondering... would you like to catch a muggle movie tonight or something?" she asked, timidly. I was laughing in the inside and I imagined Marissa too, by the look on her face. Peter was turning as red as a tomato, not to different from the color Charlotte's face was sporting.

"Umm... well... I suppo–" He stooped and cleared his throat. "Sure. I mean, no problem," he said with an air of indifference.

"Well, I guess we better go," she said, kissing him on the cheek and leading the way out of the flat. _"What's wrong with her?"_ Peter mouthed at me and I merely grinned and he paled. I guess the mischievous glint in my eye decided to pay a visit and unfortunately for Peter, he saw it. As soon as the door closed and we made sure they'd left, Marissa and I busted out laughing.

"They looked like lost puppies," I said, wiping away tears of laughter. Marissa was leaning against the kitchen counter for support.

"Lost puppies?" she asked. "They looked more like _dying_ puppies... the look on their faces... and Charlotte she was all up for it and I swear I thought she was going to be sick..."

I laughed harder. Charlotte liked him but I don't think she liked the idea of making the first move. "Yeah, well... Now, where were we before they arrived?" I asked putting my arms around Marissa and kissing her lightly on the lips.

"I don't know, but you can try and enlighten me," she said, I kissed her more passionately. "Oh, that's better..."

(**A/N: **People I'm fifteen let's keep the fic PG-13 thanks)

* * *

His first date... not really. Peter had dated hideously ugly girls before her, I'm glad she thought he was cute. They lasted for a really long time actually. They were the talk of our sixth year. Charlotte, the hot Ravenclaw sixth year and Peter, the fat but cute Gryffindor sixth year. All the other guys were so jealous of him and saying things about how did he get such a hottie and things like that... but Peter actually had a great heart. Believe it or not in our second year he was the one who came up with becoming animagus...

* * *

"Remus, we need to talk to you," James said, I saw Remus' face pale even more than what it originally had been.

"S– sure," he stammered. I looked at him and noticed he knew what we were going to talk to him about. Peter was sitting beside me, lost in his own thoughts.

"Remus," I started. "Are you a werewolf?"

He looked at us, with eyes as big as saucers. It would be a long time before he finally replied, "yes," he said quietly. James and I looked at each other, Peter was still deep in thought. "I guess, we can forget all about being friends now, huh?" Remus said. We all looked at him puzzled.

"What are you talking about?" James and I asked in unison.

"You wouldn't... wan to –er–... be friends with a..." he started saying nervously. He swallowed hard. "Werewolf."

"We don't care what you are," I said quickly. James nodded in agreement.

"All we care about is about _who_ you are," James continued.

"Guys, I have an idea," said Peter's squeaky voice. "I know how we can help Remus."

The three of us looked at him as though he'd grown another head. What could we possibly do to help Remus?

"My dad wrote a book about... werewolves and the only thing that can keep him company during the transformations are animals..." he said. We were still looking at him. Is he mad?

"Where exactly are you going with this, Pete?" asked James.

"We could figure out how to be animagus..." he said. "Illegally," he finished.

We stared at him. Peter actually had a brain, and I won't ever get tired of saying it. Peter Pettigrew wasn't as dumb as he looked.

"That's perfect!" I said after a few minutes of stunned silence. "We could look in the restricted section and during the summer holidays asked our parents without hinting them what were trying to do!"

Remus paled even more. "You guys can't do that! No, not for me...! I mean, I appreciate that you guys care... but those transformations could go horribly wrong! What are you thinking...? No, no, no... I won't let you!" 

"And who, may I ask, asked for your permission," I asked, innocently. Remus stared at me. "That's what I thought... guys," I said turning to Peter and James. "We have to start planning..."

* * *

I was very surprised when he suddenly got a brain. He never really spoke much, he failed almost every subject but he somehow knew what do next... and sometimes he didn't. Many times he got us in trouble and other times his stammering attempts to get us out of trouble actually got us out of trouble. There are many things Remus, myself, and even James, should thank Peter for. But there is no doubt in my mind that we all hate him for betrayer. Peter Pettigrew joined my list of most hated people at number three.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I trick my sister into giving me money... D'you think I own HP?

**A/N: **Thank you sooooo much for the reviews!!!! I re-wrote the first three chapters almost completely... read them I changed a couple of things.

I bet you're asking yourself: why didn't she include when Peter framed him for Lily and James' murder? That peeps is coming a little later, for now you get this .

The other day I was reading a fic and I want to ask all of the Sirius fic writers.

Why is Lily and James romance so perfect and when it comes to Sirius he always breaks up with girl, goes back, breaks up again, declare their undying hate, then their undying love and then they hate each other again. Somehow (I wonder...) she ends up pregnant has the baby, hide the fact that Sirius is the father, then fifteen years later she confesses. Then they keep having problems and Sirius disappears and then reappears and they hate each other again and then they love each other again and it always ends in happily ever after? I swear he has the weirdest relationships... I'm not insulting the other writer's I was just wondering (I've read many fics like that and I think I have a couple in my favorites so) In your review tell me what you think...

Again, thanks for the reviews! : ) Wasn't that the longest author's note ever? I promise next chapter will be a long one... I already started writing it and it's coming put pretty long so...


	6. The Cost of Being A Black

**Chapter Six: **The Cost of Being a Black

* * *

I remember the day when I was sorted into Gryffindor. Never had the Great Hall been so quiet. Hundreds upon hundreds of eyes stared at me and I could only walk with my head down. But just before I reached the table I held my head up high. I was not going to let the whole school bring me down just because I didn't look up to their expectations. They wanted me to be a Slytherin but my heart never belonged there. My heart didn't belong with the family of pureblood maniacs where if I didn't have their same views I was a blood traitor.

One thing I know for sure is that I would've never imagined that in my first day the whole school would turn their backs on me. Gryffindors because I didn't belong there, or so they thought. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs agreed with the Gryffindors. Then there were the Slytherins... the ones that would've welcomed me due to my last name but turned their backs on me and whispered behind my backs how I was a blood traitor. That night however, was the worst night of my life as I heard my roommates speak about me...

* * *

All the Gryffindor first years completely ignored my presence in the dorms as they chatted animatedly about Quidditch. I understood exactly what they were hinting and went to bed. After about an hour I pretended to have fallen asleep and they came to check. When they made sure I was asleep I felt my heart fall after all the hopes of befriending this kids dissolved.

"What is that Black kid doing in Gryffindor?" asked a boy with untidy black hair, I recognized as James Potter.

"I don't know but I don't want to be friends with him," said another boy, I didn't quite remember his name. He was short and kind of chubby. "He comes from a family of dark wizards! He belongs in Slytherin!"

Those were the last words I ever wanted to hear anyone say. That I belonged in Slytherin. That was not part of me. The sorting hat didn't even try to put me into Slytherin. It never actually said anything in reference to other houses.

"_Ah," said the Hat. "The first boy from the Black family I sort somewhere else but Slytherin. Yes, yes... you're brave and intelligent... ooh and a disregard for the rules I see..." _

_The hat fell silence for a few seconds before shouting, "GRYFFINDOR!" _

The hat knew where I belonged. I knew where I belonged. But they didn't want me there.

* * *

The next day was not for me. My mother was not very pleased about my sorting and wanted the whole school to know how I was a blood traitor and an insolent little prat...

* * *

On my way to the table I could feel all eyes on me. I held my head up high as I sat at the edge near the teacher's table. I slowly ate my breakfast as everybody chatted animatedly with their friends and the ones near me just whispered among themselves as though I was blind and deaf. I mean how stupid could this people be that they didn't even realize I was not my family! I had their last name but I didn't choose that!

I rolled my eyes and played with my food when the owls arrived to deliver the mail. I had no idea my parents would know what house I'd been placed in right away but apparently they did know 'cause there was a scarlet envelope coming my way. I saw everyone from the other tables standing up to look at me as the letter fell next to me. I stared at it and shrugged it off; what was the point in opening it if I was going to have to hear what my dear old mum had to say, anyway? After a couple of seconds of smoking the letter exploded and I stared ahead as though nothing was wrong, flinching every time my mother would scream words as though rubbing them in.

"SIRIUS BLACK! HOW DARE YOU STAIN OUR FAMILY BY BEING SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR YOU INSOLENT PRAT! BLOOD TRAITOR! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL TOLERATE SUCH A STUPIDITY FROM YOUR PART! YOU BELONG IN SLYTHERIN! BUT OF COURSE YOUR ALMIGHTY TRAITOROUS LITTLE SELF MUST HAVE TALKED THAT OLD CURSED HAD INTO PUTTING YOU IN GRYFFINDOR! I HOPE THE WHOLE SCHOOL KNOWS WHAT A BLOOD TRAITOR YOU ARE–"

"You already said that part, Mother," I said, louder than I thought.

"ONE MORE WRONGDOING FROM YOUR PART, SIRIUS, AND I'LL GO THERE AND SLAP YOU PERSONALLY!"

"Oh, I'm trembling with fear," I said sarcastically, people nearby were rolling around on the floor laughing. Did I care? No. My mum was just a very kind person who was staritng to be blinded by malice that will go away soon... I certainly hope the sarcasm was noticed.

I stood up and waited for my first class sitting at the very back and waiting peacefully for the day to be over.

* * *

It would be two months before I heard from my mother again... two months before I made friends at the place where I though I would never be accepted. Two months into term when I had gotten my first detention and the next morning was not pretty...

* * *

I was scribbling notes madly as I tried to finish my transfiguration paper in time when the Great Hall doors opened and I heard my mother.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" she shrieked. I flinched when I heard her and was even afraid of looking at her as she made her way toward me. I looked up at Dumbledore who had stood up and was looking at my mother. The other teachers watched interestedly as my mother grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around to face her.

"Why did you get detention?" she yelled. I was fighting the urge to laugh. My mother knew I was a troublemaker and still felt the need to ask why had I gotten detention.

"Because I got in trouble?" I asked innocently, with my dear heart melting smile. My mother glared at me as the students pretended to cough trying to cover up their laughter. The probably knew they would be hexed in the spot if they made a sound that sounded remotely like laughing.

"You little blood traitor! D'you have any idea had mad you father is? Why d'you do such things just to upset me and your father? What is wrong with you? First, you get sorted into Gryffindor–"

"And proud of it, Mother," anger was getting the best of me. I couldn't just find a reason why my own mother would be such an ingrate. "I don't have the same views as you and Dad! I'm different! I could give a bloody hell if you don't approve that I don't think of muggles, half-bloods, and muggle-borns as inferiors! I am who am I because that is what I want to be!" I was standing up to my mother and I felt proud. I had the courage to stand up to my mother and she couldn't do anything about because as much as she would've like to hurt me, Dumbledore was there for me even if nobody else was.

"How DARE you!" she yelled, raising her hand and making for slapping me but I never felt it. I had closed my eyes and the seconds melted away and I never felt my mothers hand on my face 'cause it had been held back. James Potter had grabbed my mothers had and was glaring at her.

"You will not touch a hair on Sirius head or you'll have to deal with the whole of Gryffindor House," he said. "And I truly doubt you'd like that."

"Who the bloody hell are you to be telling me what to do?" said Mum, snatching her hand away.

"I'm James Potter, ma'am," he said coolly. "Sirius' friend." I smiled. I had a friend.

* * *

That was probably one of the best days of my life. After that it was James, Remus, myself and Peter the four most popular boy in Gryffindor House and we would later become popular school wide. We were the pranksters, the brains and the brave students of Gryffindor House. We were the Magical Mischief Makers. The Marauders. Brothers.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I live in a basement...

**A/N:** I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this tiny little piece I call a chapter. I know I said it would be longer but I had to take a few things out for later chapters. Also, I couldn't think of anything else because I've been busy finishing the first five chapters of a fic I'm going to post when I get to chapter ten on this one. Is a Sirius (AU) fic, it's called _White Rose_ and you can read what it is about in my profile. I will update on or before Wednesday so stay tuned. R&R!


	7. Lifetime Obsessions

**Chapter Seven:** Lifetime Obsessions

* * *

James Potter wasn't exactly the easiest person to deal with. He was bigheaded and stubborn in a way only he could be and not many liked him at first... I didn't really like him that much. True, he was brave enough to stand up to my mother without knowing her and was the first friend I ever had at Hogwarts but he wasn't likeable. He walked around school as if he was a kind of god in our first year when everyone else just thought of him as a midget. There were many few occasions in which James was a likeable in our first and part of second year; every time he saw Lily Evans walking down the hall...

* * *

I was walking toward my transfiguration class one day during spring when I walked right into James. Boy, I hated when things like that happened when I was lost in my thoughts, but what else could you expect to happen? "Watch it, James!" I yelled annoyed but he was too lost in his own little world to notice.

"She's so beautiful," he breathed. I followed his gaze and immediately spotted the dark red haired girl talking to one of her friends at the end of the hall. She was beautiful I admit it. However, to me she was not the one that would make me stare at her like an idiot and make me drool all over the place.

I tried to drag James into the classroom but he wouldn't move. "Remus!" I called. Remus looked back at me from the classroom door. He was smart and knew better than to stay around when James was looking at Lily; it was not a pretty scene for guys with pride.

"Again?" asked Remus annoyed. Every time we had to drag James into the classroom, they took off points from the three of us... worse than that one time we got detention with Filch and that is not something entertaining to go into detail about. I nodded at Remus and he dragged Peter out the door. Between the three of us, we managed to drag James into the classroom; not before Lily saw him and rolled her eyes. James saw this as a sign and yelled. "Evans, would you go out with me?"

It was that time of the day when we would groan and drop James so that he fell flat on his butt. "Hey!" he said indignantly. We walked into the classroom not caring about James anymore.

* * *

Most of our years at Hogwarts went like that. The three of us trying to drag James away and then giving up. I tell you he was a tough kid to put with and Lily discovered that on her fourth year when James behavior went from a little school boy crush to complete obsession. Oh yes, the time of the day for groaning and dropping tripled...

* * *

We were all outside taunting Snape. James hated him a little less than I did but Snape hated James a whole lot more than he hated me, until sixth year, that is. It was just the fact that James played quidditch and was top student that irritated Snape, he didn't mind me that much 'cause we had once been 'friends' and I didn't play quidditch. I actually kind of liked Snape for being so easy to pick on.

Lily would always watch us taunting him and glare at us. But we were bored, what else can I say? Besides the fact that we were stupid fourteen-year-old kids who had nothing better to do than bully others, that is.

After what seemed like a lifetime of James, Snape, and I dueling, he gave up and hurried away glaring at everyone who was laughing at him. James walked over to the place were Lily and her friends were sitting; I reluctantly followed.

"Hello, ladies," said James casually. All the girls smiled sheepishly at him, except for Lily. I almost forgot, when I got there their sheepish smiles became seductive. Then I talk about James being bigheaded...

"Evans, are you going to keep turning me down for that date?" asked James smiling. She looked up at him, anger flashing in her eyes for a second to pure sympathy. What was the girl on? James wouldn't know of course, he couldn't read the girl's eyes if his life depended on it.

"Why d'you waste time and energy asking if you already know the answer?" she replied in a horribly sweet tone that made me want to laugh. James was still blind.

"Well, in my mind it's a yes, you see," he said, still grinning like an idiot. I rolled my eyes and flashed one of my sexy smiles at one of the girls who immediately turned beet red. I smirked to myself. James trying to win Lily was always fun... because I rarely paid attention.

"I'm so glad," smiled Lily. "In my mind," she said standing up. "It's no." Then she stormed away. I started choking, well tried, to keep from laughing. I loved all the different ways Lily would turn down James. They were just as amusing as Snape trying to defend himself.

* * *

Then came that time in sixth year when I was sure my life was going to completely turn around. I only had Peter for a friend. I can't even bring myself to express the hatred Remus showed toward me after he almost bit Snape. However, I'll never forget the look on James's face when I tried to talk to him after I had apologized to Snape...

* * *

"James?" I asked walking into the boys' dormitory. His back was to me and I saw him tense up before turning around and glaring at me.

"What d'you want?" he asked coldly. I shivered. I hated myself for my stupidity, but I hated James even more when he was so bloody difficult even before, I could get more than two words out.

"Can we talk?" I asked quietly. "'bout what happened yesterday?"

He laughed bitterly. "What are you going to do? Tell me something I don't already know, Sirius? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I know all the most important points and the level in which your stupidity is, so I really don't need you to amuse me more."

I wanted to hit him. Why couldn't he just let me talk? "Look," I said taking a deep breath. "I apologized to Snape, though he didn't really take it well–"

James snorted. "Don't tell me you actually expected him to?" I groaned inwardly.

"Could you please just listen and don't interrupt?" he fell silent and turned his back to me again. "I'm sorry, okay! I know what I did was wrong, but I was so mad that he had to butt in into other people's business that I didn't think of the consequences! Could you please understand that...? I already have Remus hating me... I don't need you to hate me too," I finished that lame speech quietly. I had a lack of vocabulary that day.

"Too late," was all he said. I reached inside my robes and took off a chain with a little plaque that read: Marauder Sirius "Padfoot" Black. I traced the small letters before walking over to James and putting it on his bedside table. "I guess you'd like this back." When he didn't say anything, I walked out of the room. That day was the death of our friendship... of course, resurrections existed in Marauder life...

* * *

Now back to James interminable obsession with Lily. It went on for six bloody years until it finally ended the day Lily finally gave in. I remember Remus, myself, and Peter sinking to our knees and thanking the lord for the amazing blessing. We thanked him too soon...

* * *

"Hi, honey!" said Lily cheerfully, sitting down next to James and giving him a long passionate kiss. The rest of us groaned as they broke apart.

"I haven't even started with my breakfast and I'm already full," I said putting my head in my hands.

"That's not possible," Peter, pointed out from my left.

"And why is that?" I asked annoyed.

"'Cause you're never full," said Remus innocently from my right. I glared at both of them before turning my gaze toward James who was wrapped up in a "honey, darling, sweetie pie, pumpkin" kind of conversation with Lily. We all groaned again before getting up and sitting down at the end of the table, putting as much space as humanly possible between us and the "mushy little couple."

"Now you hate the mushy crap, Sirius?" asked Remus as I piled my plate with food.

"What d'you mean?" I asked curiously.

"Don't tell me you don't remember how you and Marissa were at the beginning of your relationship?" said Peter innocently and the gulped when he saw the death glare I sent him.

"There's just on minor difference," I said, Peter and Remus looked at me curiously. "Marissa sat at the table once a week, Lily seats _every day_." I stretched the last words to make it clear.

Remus and Peter nodded. "Point taken." We sat quietly for a few seconds eating when Lily and James came to join us.

"Hey, guys, why did you leave?" asked James, he seemed to be attached to the hip with Lily.

"Gee... I wonder why?" I said sarcastically, and then adopted Lily's high- pitched voice. "'Oh, honey, next week is Hogsmeade weekend... we could go on a hot date!"

Peter and Remus choked on their food, as Lily blushed to the roots of her hair and James grinned mischievously at me.

"Oh, baby, I can't believe we're engaged! In addition, we're only sixteen! I'm so happy, darling... I love you!'" said James in a high-pitched voice, also known as, Marissa's, making half the hall turned to look at him, but he didn't seem in the bit embarrassed. It wasn't until Remus and Peter busted out laughing that I saw Marissa standing behind James with a hand on her hip. I smirked at James.

She cleared her throat and James turned around, "Yes?"

"I want to be there the day you propose to Lily so I can mock you," smiled Marissa. "Although, I already know how it will go... 'Oh, my god, Lily! You said yes! Sirius! Sirius! I am engaged! Engaged! Can you imagine? I, engaged! Ooh, I have to start planning the wedding! Sirius... would you like to help me?'" Marissa said in a girly voice making the hall explode with laughter. Even Lily was laughing as James turned to glare at Marissa.

* * *

Things went pretty much like that for the rest of the year. James never got mad at Marissa for making fun of him. It was one of those mutual agreements in which 'I embarrass you, you embarrass me, and it's all cool'. By the end of our relationship, Marissa was starting to be fed up with James but it was just jealousy... but who am I to say occasionally James wasn't hated. Even I admit it, Remus admits it, hell even James himself admits it. Nevertheless, he was the best friend I ever had.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I have no reason to slap Draco Malfoy, though give me a reason and believe me I will touch his face delicately... (Okay, I've officially signed a contract with the hopeless-romantic-beyond-pathetic department...)

**A/N:** Peeps I think you should all know I'm a review hungry author and I thank you **Nicole Black** for that **one** and **only** review I got for the last chapter. However, you've got to admit... no chapter has really been worth reading after chapter four. At least I have faith in this one!


	8. Mistake Forgiver

**Chapter Eight:** The Mistake Forgiver

* * *

Remus was the most mature out of the four of us. James and I always supposed it was due to the fact that he was a werewolf, but he knew better than us, I guess. Okay, so he knew better, after all, it is him but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand him. He's too noble, for lack of better word, he believes in second chances more than I do. I mean, if Peter was to prove himself that he's "changed," and I'm talking hypothetically, I think Remus would forgive him. If it was me, I would kill him before he could utter a word, but that has to do with my temper, something I'm not very fond of discussing.

Remus has always known I'm a fool, and the minute I let myself be killed by my own cousin I proved it. He would never hold that against me, alive or dead, 'cause he's the most respectful person I know.

The moment Peter, myself, and James became animagi, he told us we were fools but he was glad we did it. It helped him, even though, it made us even more "dangerous" than we already were...

* * *

"You guys really did that for me?" asked Remus, he was so excited I thought he would lose his dignity doing a silly dance. Needless to say he didn't.

"_You guy really did that for me?"_ I repeated adopting a high-pitched voice. "Remus, the silly little girl voice doesn't suit you at all."

"That's why you're here," he replied smirking. I glared at him but joined the others who were laughing.

"See, Remus, we did it and nothing happened," said James patting Remus on the back. Peter was currently transforming back and forth between human and rat. I sometimes wished he's be stuck as a rat for being a showoff in his supposed accomplishment. Even if it was with us... not that he could do it in front of anybody else.

"Yeah... but it could've gone terribly wrong–" I interrupted Remus. I sometimes wished I could strangle him.

"Remus, would you mind not acting like a mother?" I asked irritated. "Honestly, I get enough of the preaching while I'm home!"

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry..."

"So, when's the next full moon?" asked Peter. Yes, we were excited about keeping Remus company. No, Remus did not like transforming. Let me say that a little bit clearer. The rat had lost his brain.

"Uh... Peter?" asked James. Peter looked at him. "We are excited but not that excited, okay?" Peter looked at us comprehension dawning on him.

"Yes, Peter, we know what you're going to say," said Remus. "I understand, don't worry." Remus patted him on the back as we all made our way back into the Common Room.

* * *

Yes, Remus was wise. He has always been and he'll ever be. I always say he should be a Hogwarts Headmaster 'cause sometimes he reminded me of Dumbledore. Even when he didn't want to...

* * *

"Come to yell at me, too?" I asked not looking behind me toward Remus. I was sitting in the same place I had been the day before trying to apologize to Snape. Now, I had to try and form the words to express how truly sorry I was to Remus. But I couldn't.

"James the one who always does the yelling," he said, sitting next to me. "And personally, I prefer it that way."

I tried to smile but my muscles were not working. I couldn't even think straight.

"You know Sirius," he said. I was still not looking at him. "I don't think I even want to know what was going through your head the moment you decided to play such and idiotic and dangerous prank... I would've never imagined you were that foolish. D'you know how I would've felt if something had happened to Snape? D'you have any idea, Sirius?"

He was yelling at this point. Remus was not angry. I knew that. He was just disappointed.

"I thought you said you weren't going to yell," I reminded him quietly.

"Well, I can't help it, Sirius!" he said, a little more calm. "Of all my friends, I never thought you'd be the one to betray me."

"What the hell did you want me to do?" I yelled, standing up to face him. "It was stupid, okay? I know! You don't have to rub it in my face every chance you get! I already heard it from James... from Dumbledore... from McGonagall. Hell, even Peter decided to get a brain and give me a lecture about it. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE!" My voice cracked and I fell silent. Never in my life had I felt so frustrated. So lonely. And it wasn't just loneliness, I knew that by the end of the day I would be completely alone.

There was an awkward silence in which I sat back down. Remus turned slightly around, stopping to whisper the last words I ever expected him to say. "I never thought you'd be the one who I would hate more that Severus."

"Well, I can't turn back time," I said before I could stop myself. Remus left, that's when I knew I was not Padfoot anymore. And most importantly, I was not a Marauder.

* * *

Seeing the three of them laughing and playing pranks without me was the worse thing anybody could do. I was now Sirius "The Loner" Black. I would sit alone, I would study alone and I never spoke to anybody, except for Marissa, who would be mad at me at the end of everyday. I was turning bitter and I was ignoring the love of my life because I wasn't myself anymore. It was as though three fourths of my body had been taken away. My brothers, the only true family I'd ever had was turning their back on me.

Every night I would go to bed earlier than anybody else or late when everyone else was asleep. It always reminded me of my first year. The Black Outcast. The Gryffindor Outcast. The Hogwarts Outcast. I was back to being all that. Three months later I'd never been more grateful that they had come to my rescue...

* * *

"Well, well, well," said a voice from behind me as I started ascending the marble staircase toward the Gryffindor Common Room. "The Black Outcast has returned... Of course, it has been a couple of months since your return but I couldn't get a hold of you."

I stopped in my tracks and turned to glare at my dear cousin. I sometimes dreamed of the many different ways of making her suffer, but never got the perfect one.

"You know, you were gone for quite some time.... What was it four... five years since that day?"

"Bella..." I smiled coldly at her. "You know should actually try and make friends and forget about the others."

"Oh, but Sirius... my friends are the ones who gladly point out your current status in "friendships", she said. God, I hated her.

"Clearly you have no life..."

"Clearly your temper hasn't changed–"

"Took you long enough to notice," said a voice I never thought I would actually hear again. "At least for a person of your _capacities_."

Peter and Remus roared with laughter as the three of them made their way down the staircase.

"If it isn't Sirius' own personal squad of superheroes!" said Bellatrix, faking cheerfulness. "Honestly... one would've thought you had better things to do than follow stray dogs and defend them." Her voice had turned back to normal, but there was something about it that didn't quite fit her. Especially what she said about the stray dog...

"Sod off, Bellatrix," said Remus. He wasn't the kind of person that would get into a silly comeback match. And ours was way below silly.

"Wow... aren't we charming today!" she said, again "smiling brightly." "I'll go now... I want to spare my ears from the shouting match you'll be having momentarily."

She left and I turned slowly around to face the guys. As expected, none of them looked in desperate need of a friend.

* * *

The minutes that followed were a blur. I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea why they weren't walking back up the stairs or going out into the grounds to have some fun... But the moment I realized they were not going away I knew it was now or never...

* * *

"James... Remus... I–" I started to say but James cut me off, a mysterious mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Save it, Padfoot," he said turning around and walking back up the stairs. The others took one last glance at me before following suit. As I did. The hint was too obvious to miss.

We arrived at the Common Room where heads turned our way. More like my way. Everyone had questioning looks on their faces as to why I was with the guys... or why we stopped being friends in the first place. But according to my book, that was none of their business.

"I suppose you didn't want me to come for a friendly chat," I said when we got to our dormitories. Peter was sprawled on his bed looking at the ceiling with James sitting at the foot of the bed. Remus was sitting directly in front of where I was standing with a frown on his face. He looked... cold.

"I'm sometimes impressed with your intelligence..." he said. The others didn't laugh, and I was getting nervous. "But your foolishness is even more amazing."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes so hard I almost had to turn my face away from his but I straightened up and remained motionless. My eyes never leaving Remus'.

"You've demonstrated you can't be a Marauder... you have demonstrated lots of things we tried to ignore during the years, but apparently you felt like showing your true colors."

"It's been three months, Remus," I said emotionless. "I don't need this anymore."

"You don't want to do that," he said. I already had my hand on the doorknob, but Remus had a way with people it was impossible to ignore him. "I'm not here to lecture you. I'm here because I want to know who you are."

I turned slowly around bringing my eyes to meet his. "You really want to know?" I asked, trying my best not to throw something at Remus. "I'm nobody. An outcast... I'm exactly the same person I was back in first year. Foolish, naïve, but I'm absolutely the same person I was a few months back in the I-don't-take-shit-from-no-one department." I said, I turned around and punched the wall to let all my anger out.

"I noticed that one..." he said. I truly had no idea where the hell he was going with this crap. "Are you still the same Sirius who made a promise to his three brothers?"

I looked at them one by one. They all looked back at me and I sighed before looking at the floor. "Remus... I can't make any promises, 'cause I never keep them."

"In that you're right," he said, I ran a hand through my hair, still looking at the floor. "But some promises are better left unsaid..."

I looked up at him and he was smiling. I could only smile back.

"I suppose you'll have this back," said Peter handing me back my chain. My smile grew even wider, then it disappeared.

"I thought I was supposed to prove myself worthy of your friendship?" I said remembering the conversation with James.

"And you did." I didn't know what I did, but I felt good.

* * *

**A/N:** I MISSED YOU ALL! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But I'm back and I won't be going anywhere anytime soon! I love you guys too much and thank you for the support! Thanks for the reviews they make me very happy!

**Sailor J-chan/2xH 4ever/Psycho****, angelfan2000, HPnLOTRrox, Nocturnal007, Nicole Black, Siri Lupin** and anyone else who has reviewed to this fic... THANK YOU! This is my baby!

Btw, it's nowhere near done there are like twenty-two chapters left, don't hate me for it but it has to be that way. I will update again on Sunday, 'cause I started writing chapter 9 before this one and well, it's almost done. The title up to now is: _Pathetic Humor of the Day..._ lol I don't understand why I named it that way but for some reason I like it.

I'm back in school and that actually means I'll update more regularly... lol. It's true 'cause every time I'm bored with school work or in the classroom I start writing in the back of my notebook... lol. Okay, so anyway, I think I'll be going now. Bye!


	9. Pathetic Humor of the Day

**Chapter Nine:** Pathetic Humor of the Day

* * *

I'm pretty sure what ya'll know about the Marauders is a very pretty picture of four perfect teenagers. Wrong. We were the cool guys, I'll admit. However, we were also bullies. Well, James and me anyway, but we were. Even if it was mostly to Snape, it fits nicely in the category. I would like to talk about it but I already had enough with my depressive life. I would rather talk about when we were ourselves, you know, Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter. Our days in the Common Room, or on our way to breakfast, even a silly conversation in the train compartment...

* * *

"Jamesieboy!" I yelled, entering the compartment in a very high fashion... tripping and falling flat on my face. The other three so-called best friends roared with laughter, but of course, that was solved with a little flick from my wand. Then again, I was subjected to ten minutes of silent mockery... the rest was out loud.

"Oi, Sirius... what did ya find down there?" said James, sending Remus and Peter into another fit of laughter for unknown reasons.

"You really don't want to go there," I warned James, he raised an eyebrow at me. "D'you want me to remind you about that time you were coming out of the Com–" James put his hand over my mouth sending the others into a fit of laughter. I still didn't know what was so funny.

And the I saw it... Remus... he was looking at me weird... Now, that's something we don't see everyday... okay, so we do see its every single day...

"Sirius," he said. "Why d'you always go for blonds?"

I blinked. If I had a what-the-fuck look on my face before I couldn't even imagine how I looked at the moment. Remus. Remus Lupin, what the hell was he asking me this for anyway? It's not like I had dated a lot of girls... really!

Marissa, I noticed, was standing on the doorway looking quite interested in what I had to say. I took one look around to every one and was about to reply when Peter beat me to it.

"Because they are the only ones dumb enough to date him," he snorted. Even Marissa laughed, my own GIRLFRIEND laughed at THAT!

"My apologies, Marissa, if I offended you," said Peter. Marissa was still catching her breath. Some girlfriend I got myself.

"It's okay, Peter," she said. "You didn't offend me. Even though I did have a very blonde moment when I said yes to dating Sirius," she said teasingly.

"And I suppose your greatest blonde moment of all was the moment you said you would marry me?" I said sardonically.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Guys– well, Remus, anyway, do try and keep Sirius out of trouble... I'd hate giving him detention."

That would've been the opportune moment for me to say something like "There's nothing better like detention from you" or "The Dungeons, 8 o'clock, is that right?" but I was pretending to be pissed. I could be a really good actor.

"Bye, honey," she said waving. "Love you!"

"Don't care," I muttered. Oh, yes very mature, I know. I decided it was time for me to turn the conversation around from "Pick-On-Sirius" day to "Teach-Jamesie boy-Something" day. Oh yes, my favorites.

"So, Jamesie boy," I said, suddenly sounding very happy. "During the summer I came up with this set of steps you should follow to get the girl of your dreams," I said taking out a slip of paper from my pocket, and smiling mischievously. Peter was laughing but Remus was looking... _peaceful_. He looked as though he was practicing yoga, though I have to admit he was acting kind of feminine lately, for lack of better word (or for respect of a friend more like...) The influence your girlfriend can have on you...

"Step number one," I said, trying very hard not to laugh. "Let her know you exist."

"You got to work very hard on that one James," said Peter seriously. "You lie low too much... go out, let yourself be more open."

"Don't harass her," I said under my breath.

"What?" said James, looking at me. "I didn't catch that."

"Oh you'll find out very soon, Jamesie boy–"

"Would you quit it with the Jamesie Boy already?"

"Why should I?"

"Why shouldn't you–"

"Would you mind?" interrupted Peter sounding very annoyed.

I looked at Remus who had one eye opened then he closed it and went back to his "calm-looking" position... he was seriously starting to scare me.

"Step number two." I said clearing my throat. "Sweet talk to her."

That got Remus' attention...

"Hey Evans! I'm taunting Snape! Want to come to his rescue so that I can bombard you with the same question over and over? Oh, and by the way– will you go out with me?" James was the only one who didn't laugh at Remus' impersonation of how foolish James looked when he asked Lily out and she exercised her different ways of brushing him off.

"Step number three, and my personal favorite... "Plan the perfect first date before you ask her out, just in case."

"I think James had the first date planned before he met her–"

"He just changes it every time Lily turns him down–"

The battle of the interruptions. I interrupted Peter and James interrupted me... to say something we'd never heard before (hope sarcasm is no foreign language)

"She doesn't turn me down," He said. That was the cue for three pairs of eyes to roll and three mouths to mouth the next six words. "She's just denying she likes me."

"James," I said, patting him on the back. "My bedtime is about twelve hours away... Step number four, slowly but determinedly make the first move– James Potter head out of gutter," I said not looking at him. "It's just a kiss."

"Whoever said my mind was in the gutter," he said. Then muttered, "after seven years whose wouldn't?"

I rolled my eyes again. "And last but not least... step number five, which also happens to be Peter's personal favorite... drum roll please!" I said, Peter started hitting the window. "Do. Not. Harass. Her." James looked at us. Oh, yes he knew. It was more the fact that we were dying to laugh at him that gave it away.

"You two," he said pointing dangerously at Remus and Peter. "You were in on this crap, weren't you?"

They shrugged. "When are we not?" they said before I let out my bark-like laugh, pissing James off in the process.

* * *

Of course there was always that time were we were in the Common Room...

* * *

"Peter would you mind passing me that chocolate frog?" said James who was sprawled on the couch with a hand over his eyes. The O.W.L.s were coming up and as always James and I were on vacation while the rest of the students broke their heads trying to find a way to make all the information stay in their minds and pass the tests. I can ask only one question... why worry?

"Here you go, Prongs," said Peter tossing it at James, but somehow I caught it... somehow...

"Sirius," said James. "The chocolate is mine."

I laughed. "Yours? Who's eating it." He moved his hand from his eyes long enough to see me finishing the chocolate. He scowled and I stuck my tongue out at him.  
  
"You disgust me," he said.

"Quiet!" Leave it to Remus to spoil the good mood. James went back to dozing off while I "practiced" levitation. That included hitting some second years and seventh years in the head with books then laughing my ass off long enough not to be able to apologize.

"I GOT IT!" said James leaping up from the couch and scaring half the students to death. The others were too used to it by now.

"WHAT?" I said. It was very strange when I was in the mood of yelling for no apparent reason.

James waited while every one resumed what they were doing to speak. "I got our next prank!"

"What is it?" I whispered back excitedly.

"Change the Slytherins hair color!"

I looked at James for a long time before it sank that he was actually excited. "James..." I said slowly. "We did that in first year... it's not cool anymore."

"Oh," he said. "okay." Then went back to the couch.

"I GOT IT!" no that was not James. It was Peter, and due to the last thing I witnessed I doubted that this was any good.

"What did you get, Pete?" I asked, noticing half the students were glaring at Peter.

"I got this Arithmancy problem, finally!" He said excitedly.

"Explain it, Peter," said Remus, a bored look on his face.

"Uh..." said Peter.

"Let's try it again, shall we?" said Remus, clearly annoyed.

"I GOT IT!"

"Quit it with the I got it's already," said our dear Head Girl. I blew a kiss at her making her blush. "Black, I hope you don't want detention, do you?"

"If it's with you, why not?" I swear she almost smiled, before she turned around.

Then, I remembered the reason I was flirting with her. James. It almost made me sick when I remembered he said the same three words he had said earlier. He got it!

"What did you get, James?" I asked almost afraid to speak.

"Invisibility. Dorms. Midnight." He said. Now that was more like it.

"How do you expect to get in there."

"Cloak."

"How much time?"

"Ten minutes the most. You do the boys. I'll do the girls. Remus and Peter can make guard."

"Why d'you get to do the girls dorm?"

"'Cause you have a girlfriend and I don't."

"And you want me to make mad passionately love to Snape, is that right?"

"If you have the time."

"Go to hell."

James laughed. "Oh! I almost forgot... I have another prank planned after that one."

I raised an eyebrow.

"On the Ravenclaws."

"Oh, you tease," I said as gay as I could. "Let's go, guys!"

The four of us made our way out of the Common Room leaving scared Gryffindors behind.

* * *

We were very dangerous... But we also were the most immature guys during breakfast. It was as though it was our time of the day to do and say the most stupid and dumb stuff ever done or said...

* * *

"Ouch!" I heard James say from my right. I looked at him, who was rubbing his nose.

"You training to be a ghost now?" I asked, Peter roared with laughter.

"Very funny," he said entering the great hall, still rubbing his nose. I shrugged and followed him.

We found Remus who as we approached, moved away.

"What's up with you?" I asked. He took one look at me and looked down at his breakfast. If I didn't know any better I would've thought he was dying to laugh.

"Anti-social," I muttered sitting down across him. He looked up at me and busted out laughing; I was too sleepy to care.

"Sirius, when was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror?" asked Peter from my right. I looked at him.

"I can't remember, why?" I said questioningly. These guys could really be weird.

"'Cause there is no doubt in my mind that it wasn't this morning," said Remus. James looked up at me and started laughing so hard there were tears coming out of his eyes. Not only that, but he was making half the hall look at him... for laughing like a girl.

"Huh?" I was kind of lost in what was the point of the conversation.

"Sirius, I'm going to be totally honest on how your hair looks today," said James. I swear I almost crawled under the table. James, honest? "Your hair looks like your mother's on a good hair day." Yes, he was being honest. I ran a hand through my hair about fifty times before I was satisfied. "Now?"

The three of them nodded and I sighed. That's before I noticed... "What's wrong now?"

Three pairs of eyes looked at me as though nothing was wrong, then went back to their breakfasts. I put my head on the table and was about to doze off when...

"Sirius Black!" McGonagall, what a sweet teacher... "What are you doing in your pajamas?"

Huh? I looked down and noticed Hufflepuff colored pajamas and me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Professor McGonagall," I said sweetly. "I was so tired this morning I forgot to change clothes after taking a shower... don't worry nothing of this sort will happen again... to me."

The sound of scared teenagers dropping whatever they were holding is a lovely song to my ears. Yes, I loved revenge. Who doesn't?

Professor McGonagall looked one last time at me before going back to the head table. "I love my girlfriend," I said casually turning back to my breakfast.

"Why?" asked Peter.

"Oh nothing," I said shrugging. "She just taught me the wonders of being a girl."

"You lost me," said James and Remus at the same time.

"Oh, it's just amazing what make up can do," I replied standing up. "Especially when you want to take revenge against your best friends who apparently were trying to reconnect with their inner children."

I left.

* * *

You know we weren't really always that immature... we were worse.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank to the two people who reviewed. It's okay 'cause ya'll reviewed to my author's notes so...

Anyway, next chapter is called _Fairy Godfather._ The Hogwarts days are over and from chapter eleven on the chapter format will be a little different. Go to my livejournal (link will be posted on my profile later today 'cause my dad is bugging me to get off the internet)

Review if you liked 'cause I know the title was very literal.


	10. Fairy Godfather

**Chapter Ten:** Fairy Godfather

**A/N:** So, after two months of suffering from writer's block, mom not letting me go on the internet, stupid finals, and this author trying not to bang her head against the desk in frustration chapter ten is finally here and if you hear a sigh somewhere near you, don't panic, it's me. I've just realized that every time I finish a chapter my grammar goes to hell… lol. Go read before I bore you… lol.

* * *

Lily Evans. Lily Potter. Whatever you want to call her, was one of the brightest most beautiful women I'd ever met. Hell, if James hadn't married her I would've had a tough time choosing between her and Marissa. I mean she was just the definition of perfection, meaning, she knew exactly what it took to control a rowdy marauder like James. Even I wasn't as crazy and uncontrollable as he was. I remember every little thing she ever did for me. Every detail, every word of the jokes she made. She was the little sister I never had. I remember how happy she was when she married James. Happy enough to have kids… And ask me to be with her in the delivery room because James… well, let's just say had errands to make… right…

* * *

I was sitting at the Potter's kitchen table when I heard Lily and Marissa scream. One would've thought someone was killing them but oh, how I wished that was it.

"What?" I asked coming into the room, and what I saw was what I didn't want to see. Marissa was holding Lily's hand while Lily was doing a type of breathing I had never seen before.

"Who-who- hee… who-who hee…" I stared incredulously at them for five minutes before the sight finally registered.

"Oh. My. God." I felt as though I was going to be sick. I held on to the wall for a moment before I went back into the kitchen screaming my lungs out. "Holy shit! Lily's having a baby!"

I heard a loud thump before. Crap.

"James," I said. "James!" I said kneeling beside him and slapping him. "James you cannot do this to me– I mean, to Lily… Wake up, mate. You're going to be a father. Oh. My. God… JAMES! You're going to be a FATHER!"

I stood up frantically looking for my wand. A splash of water shot out of my wand hitting James squarely in the face. If it weren't because he was breathing I would've thought he was dead.

"Sirius!" I ran as fast as I could back into the room. "We have to take her to the hospital!" I yelled at Marissa.

"No shit, Sherlock," they both replied. Huh? I looked at both of them puzzled before I helped Lily up. "Can you apparate?"

"Sirius, I would trust any life in your hands but mine when you drive," Lily said. "So, even if I couldn't… I would."

Marissa busted out laughing and it was a good three minutes before she composed herself for enough time to help Lily out of the house to apparate.

On our way out Remus arrived and looked at us as though we were crazy. "What's going on?"

"Water… broke," Lily panted, the way down the stairs drowned her energy out.

"Oh… you called the plum–" Oh, yes, he noticed. "Your what?!"

"We have to take her to the hospital" he said trying desperately not to lose his cool.

"Really?" I asked surprise. "I thought we needed to take her to the circus since two clowns made the bun in the oven," I said sarcastically.

"Very funny, Sirius," said Remus. Marissa had busted out laughing again. I was seriously considering breaking up with her for being a completely useless in situations like these.

"Let's go," said Remus.

"No, you stay and take care of the fainted guy in the kitchen," I said shaking my head. "I'll take care of Lily."

"Women always your specialty, huh, Sirius?" he said, chuckling.

"Your boyfriend didn't give you nothing last night?" I said smirking.

"Careful, Padfoot, I bite during the full moon," he said.

"Are you saying you're gay?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"As gay as you," he replied.

"You suck, Remus," I said. "Always finding an opportunity to compare yourself to me," I said as gay as I could. (**A/N:** They are not gay. They just came out of their teenager years.)

"GUYS!" interrupted Marissa. I looked at Lily and noticed she was doing the who-who-hees again.

"Let's go!" she yelled. Marissa, Lily, and I apparated into St. Mungos with Lily holding my hand very tightly.

"Help! Help!" I yelled. One would've thought I was dying. "She's going to rip my arm off!" I sounded like a girl but I was going to worry about that later. The nurses immediately arrived but found out that Lily's grip was too strong, and she didn't want Marissa for support system either. No, Lily just wanted to make my poor hand suffer.

"Lily, dar-LING," I said wincing as a contraction came and Lily's death grip tightened even more. "Why don't you let me go get James and you can stay here with Marissa?" I said as gently as I could.

"YOU!" she shouted dangerously. Pregnant women are really scary… "ARE. NOT. GOING. ANYWHERE. UNDERSTAND?"

"Ye-ES!" I was in the verge of crying. Lily's contractions and painful squishes of my hand made me realize something. "Marissa, darling?" I said softly. I couldn't really find my voice.

"What?" she asked from the chair next to Lily's bed.

"We're never having kids," again she busted out laughing. "You're completely useless, you know that?"

"I'm just nervous… but I don't think I want to go through what Lily's going through until I'm at least thirty," she said, watching Lily as she squirmed and nearly tore my arm off. "And… you're suffering enough already."

"And you don't like that sight, right?" I said painfully getting the words out. I was very red in the face.

"No, I don't like it," she said seriously and then that malicious glint came to her eye. "I love it!"

"I love you, too, darling," I said sardonically. And then, the moment of truth came… Lily was finally going to give birth… and I, Sirius Black, not the father of the kid… fainted…

Oh, I was going to get blackmailed forever…

"Sirius, are you okay?" Marissa was kneeling beside me and holding my hand. I looked up at her as though she had grown another head.

"You fainted," said Remus trying to suppress his laughter. "You actually fainted."

"Sod-off Remus," I said putting a hand over my eyes. "Where's James."

"Probably getting over the shock of becoming a father," answered Marissa looking behind her to where Lily slept soundly and James who was holding her hand while sitting in the chair next to her bed.

"How long have I been here?" I asked. It seemed to have been a long time…

"About five hours…" Marissa said quietly.

"And you left me on the floor for five hours?!" at this point Marissa busted out laughing again. "Yes."

"Well, you are kind of heavy, Padfoot," said Peter, who had just stepped into the room. "Ever considered going on a diet?"

"Well, look who's talking," I said, groaning as I got up from the floor but it wasn't long before I fell back this time onto the couch.

"I'm exhausted for some reason," I said, that's when I noticed my hand. "Damn! Lily has a strong grip… Again, Marissa you're not getting pregnant unless I'm not the father."

"Even if you weren't the father you'd be in the delivery room," she said.

"And why is that?" I asked.

"Are you saying you're the father of Lily's baby?" she replied raising an eyebrow.

"No," I said. "Oh… but she didn't have anyone to be with her."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm serious," I said looking at her but she was staring off into space.

"I know you are," she said, putting her head on my shoulder. "And, by the way the child's name is Harry."

"It's a boy?" I asked excitedly. Marissa laughed before replying. "Yeah."

I jumped up from the couch almost knocking into Remus who was still standing there. "Woo-hoo! It is a boy!"

Marissa, Peter, and Remus busted out laughing, again, they were really going back to their teenage years.

I sat back down putting my arm around Marissa, "Nice… we have a little nephew to spoil, guys."

"Yes, we do," said Peter smiling brightly. It was then I noticed Lily had opened her eyes.

"How did it go, Lily?" I asked her.

She scowled. "You remember that quote saying: "giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head?"

"Yeah…"

"That would be pleasurable…" I laughed.

"Siripoo fainted!" I heard James taunting after he got out of his trance.

"Shut up, Potter, at least I made it into the hospital and seconds before she gave birth," I replied. I put my head on Marissa's shoulder and proceeded to fall asleep. Apparently the five hours I spent passed out on the floor weren't enough…

* * *

So, I was named godfather to a kid I had to practically take care of every single weekend. And, every single weekend Lily would make me wake up at the crack of dawn… and every weekend I had to listen to her read head temper yelling at me about how unorganized I was… Lily was the mother I never had…

* * *

"SIRIUS BLACK!" I heard Lily yelling. I had a terrible hang-over but apparently she didn't know that.

"What?" I muttered getting out of bed.

"SIRIUS!" Okay, she was very pissed off.

I heard Lily's angry footsteps echoing through the halls and I felt like my head was going to burst.

"And it's such a mystery Marissa moved in and back out," she said entering the room. I opened one eye, raised an eyebrow, and fell back on the covers.

"Lily, what time is it?" I asked. "And she didn't move out… she's at her parents for the weekend."

"Time for you to get out of bed and learn to pick up after yourself. You're a pig!" I think I forgot to mention she was a clean freak….

"Gee, thanks…. I didn't know you loved me so much," I replied.

"Darling, you have not seen the end of this," with that she went back downstairs.

"I have a feeling I am not going to recover from the hang over today," I said to myself before tiredly getting out of bed.

I could hear Lily muttering to herself as I made my way to the kitchen.

"Pots in the refrigerator… cleaning utensils in the microwave… clothes in the DISHWASHER?!?!?!" she nearly screamed. I watched her as she scratched her head in disbelief.

"Sirius, there is no doubt in my mind you're not a muggle," she said. "You have absolutely no clue were all these things go."

"I know where they go," I replied defensively. "I just never find the time to put them in their place."

She opened the refrigerator once more, "I thought the clothes in the dishwasher had been the worst… I had never seen things moving in a refrigerator before…. Are you sure Marissa had been gone for the weekend only?"

"Yes, Lily…" I said rolling my eyes. "Now, I'm going to go to bed and you can do whatever you want."

"Ha!" she said. "Not so fast, doggy, you are going to clean this up under my surveillance and I am not leaving until you're finished."

"Am I supposed to take orders from you," I said challengingly.

"Yes," she said.

"Okay," I said remembering never to mess with an angry red head. "But… why am I supposed to do this again?"

"Because you're not babysitting my son in this dump," she said.

"Oh, right," I said. "I'm supposed to baby-sit… there's something alive in my refrigerator?" I asked remembering her list of things to do.

"Sirius!" she said dangerously.

"Alright. Alright," I said walking out of the kitchen.

"Sirius, where are you?" Lily yelled as I entered the kitchen putting on a shirt.

"Got to look presentable, woman, geez," I grumbled as I opened the refrigerator.

"You never do," she replied.

"Thanks."

Three hours and forty four minutes later I was done and watching over my godson… An easy task for me thank god.

"So, Harry, what do you want to do?" I asked, Harry just stared. "not much of a talker, huh?"

He kept staring.

"Want to practice saying "Uncle Padfoot?" He kept staring.

"Okay…," I picked him up and he started clapping his hands and laughing. "So, you like being picked up huh? How about I do this?" I started throwing him up and catching him, and he laughed all the time.

"Let's practice being a baby airplane, shall we?" I started making the sound airplanes make and cursing them for not creating something that was at least silent. All this time I never once noticed Marissa standing in the doorway.

"You'll make a great father, Sirius," she said startling me. "You really will."

I smiled at her. "Nah… I'll probably be all paranoid and stuff… and I'll probably be laughing my ass off when accompanying you to the delivery room…"

Marissa smacked me on the arm but laughed anyway. "How are you doing, Harry?" she asked sweetly. "Is mean little Padfoot scaring you? Yes? Well, he scares me too."

I pouted and she laughed. "You big baby… did you give him anything to eat yet?"

"No…" I said. "Was I supposed to?" Marissa rolled her eyes. "Kidding…"

"Uh-huh," she said taking little Harry into the kitchen. "Let's go Harry… let's go give you some food before you starve to death."

* * *

That moment right there was enough for me to set even a wedding date. I hate how life is never fair, I said it before and I'd never get tired of saying it. I wanted to get married and be a father. But I guess life did give me something good… I was there for Harry for three years.

Anyway, I loved making Harry laugh, it was kind of like my hobby. I spent as much time as I could in the Potter's house just to be with my little godson…

* * *

Harry was currently pulling hairs out of my fur and laughing as he watched them fall to the floor. _That's going to piss Lily off…_My thoughts were interrupted by James coming into his living room.

"You're so nice as a dog, Sirius," he said picking Harry up. "Have you ever considered making the change permanently?" (A/N: yes, I stole that from the movie… can you blame me?)

"Very funny, Prongs," I said once I transformed back to human.

"Hi, honey," James was saying when I entered the kitchen. Married people…

"You know what, Lily?" I said sitting down at the table. "James is like your own little treasure."

"Why, thank you, Sirius," said James. "And here I thought you were going to insult me." But Lily saw right through my little compliment and a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes.

"And?" she said, her eyes twinkling.

"Well, I was thinking that since he is a treasure we should go to a deserted island and bury him," I finished smirking. "What do you think about that, Harry?"

Harry laughed happily as Lily tried to muffle her own laughter, James just scowled… well, a pathetic excuse of scowling, more like.

"It was just a joke, Prongs," I said trying to keep a straight face, but I couldn't keep it as I dramatically dodged the flying objects coming from James' direction as Harry laughed even more. No, Lily was not laughing anymore, she was trying to keep herself from yelling at James for the mess he was making.

* * *

That was two weeks before their death… the last time I ever truly laughed. I just hoped that had been the last time I had seen them but October 31st, 1981 stayed in my mind forever…

* * *

**A/N:** If you laughed during this chapter make sure you reread it after every other chapter if you want to laugh because from next chapter on it is going to be very sad.

This chapter is my Christmas present to all of you for giving me such nice reviews, I hope you enjoyed it and laughed as much as I did while I wrote. If you didn't laugh don't say so on your review because I'm going to feel very dumb... lol. Anyway, sorry it is a day late but I finished it yesterday minutes before my computer crashed. (My sister called this morning and fixed it thank god!)

Chapter Eleven: To This Date Untitled (this is not the title… lol) is about October 31. And I really have nothing else to say today… wow… I must be very low on caffeine today… lol anyway I will have this chapter before December 31st, a new year's present from this author. Bye!


	11. Rats Belong In the Sewers

**Chapter Eleven:** Rats Belong In the Sewers

* * *

You know how people sometimes get these feelings of emptiness and dread and they don't really know why? That's how I feel this morning of October 31st, empty. I don't really know why, but as the day has progressed the feelings have become unbearable…

The tiny cabin is a couple of miles into the forest behind Godric's Hollow. I've stayed here before when I was too drunk to drive and didn't want to piss Lily off or something like that. But now… now I was hiding. Hiding from Voldemort. And, I don't know why but the thought was not nearly as scary as actually being in hiding. I am not really worried about me, though. I am worried about Peter. What if Voldemort found him?

We'd all go to hell, probably.

Or, in a nicer way, we will all die with unfinished business. Well, I would, isn't that a nice thought? Compared to all of my other thoughts, it is the best thought I've had all day. I can't even try to bring myself to think about Marissa. Last I saw her was two days ago, and it was because I went at the crack of dawn so that I wouldn't be seen. The visit was short, though, because she started getting all worried about Voldemort finding me and all that crap. For some odd reason I feel like I should've told her I was not the Secret Keeper. After all, I had told her why I had to go into hiding.

Right now, I'm thinking of how much fun we used to have in Halloween while we were at Hogwarts. The pranks, even the teachers would laugh at our Halloween pranks. James. He was the perfect partner in crime, and if Voldemort even suspected Peter to be the Secret Keeper, which I doubt, I could lose James. I could lose my best friend, and that was not a very comforting thought at the moment.

I am practically dying here. I keep wanting to get the hell out of this place and breathe fresh air. But I cannot do that for another month when I'll finally be able to get out of this stupid place, and my friends will be safe… I hope.

It's eight o'clock and I'm bored out of my wits! I have absolutely nothing to do but stare at the empty bed in the corner… or I could be staring at the picture of Harry… My little godson. I would do absolutely anything in this entire world to make sure he grows to be old and have a lot of children. I would give my life for him, just as I would for Lily and James.

I just hope they don't find Peter.

At least Peter's hiding place is far away in Wales. We thought it would be safer if he was not in England, lord knows it would be a whole lot easier to find him here. I wonder what he's doing. Probably as bored as I am. Or maybe Lily and James gave him something to entertain himself with? Lily probably likes him better than me… His a very clean person, and no matter how much pressure Lily puts on me to make me understand the meaning of a clean house I always seem to get lost in translation, something that pisses Lily off royally.

Lily "the Temper" Potter, I call her, 'cause that red-head temper of hers is out of control. I can imagine her being pissed off right now 'cause James doesn't want to change Harry's diaper or something. Hell, even I've changed Harry's diaper. You know how many times I had to baby-sit that boy? More times than I can count… I guess that's the reason Marissa thinks I would make a good father. The first thing I'm going to do after I get out of this place is set a date for my wedding. I mean, why not get married? It is the best way to keep her… that came out the wrong way. What I meant is that I want to get married so that it would be completely and absolutely illegal for Marissa to sleep with other guys but me. And, that is very selfish.

I suddenly feel like the boredom is making me sleepy…

Very sleepy…

"_James, he's coming."_

"_Go, Lily! Go!"_

"_James!"_

"_Go!"_

"_Not without you!"_

"_Go, I'll stop him… take Harry and go!"_

"_I love you, James…"_

"_You silly girl."_

"_Out of my way!"_

"_Not Harry! Please, not Harry!"_

I woke up panting and sweating. I could see the full moon shining through the tiny window and I remembered Remus… traitor. He was probably the one passing information to Voldemort, but he'll get what he deserves sooner or later.

Right now, I'm worried about that stupid nightmare… Why did it feel so real? I didn't have time to think about that. I threw on my clothes and jumped on my motorcycle. I had to see for myself that Peter was safe and that nothing of the sort of my nightmare would happen.

It probably will. Peter is not here. I lost an hour of my time looking for Peter and he's not here. I should've gone to Godric's Hollow first. Now, I have to go, 'cause even though I don't want to admit it, something happened. And I know it is not good.

Different images cross my mind as I fly over the city, each one progressively more depressive. I don't know what to think about. I don't know what I'm going to see. But I hope my nightmare was wrong. I hope Peter just went out to get something to eat. I hope… I hope James, Lily and Harry are still alive.

They are not. As I get closer to the house I can sense it more and more. The house is not standing anymore. They are dead. Dead and I am to blame. No one else. But where is Peter?

"Hagrid!" I said as soon as I was parked. I could see his back hunched. They are dead. "Hagrid, please tell me they are not…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. James' body lying on the ground prevented me from it. His eyes were still open. I kneeled down to close them, closing my own, preventing the tears from escaping. I kissed James forehead before I walked a little further to were Harry's room was supposed to be above of.

There, under a door, the door to Harry's room, I could see Lily. I kicked the door out of the way and sat down beside her. I closed her eyes and held her hand trying to compose myself. It was too difficult. I got up and walked over to where Hagrid was standing with a bundle of blankets.

"Is that?" I asked pointing the blankets. He sniffled before nodding his head. "Can I hold him?"

He gave Harry to me, immediately recognized me and put his arms around me.

"Hi, there, fella," I said wiping away some tears that were threatening to fall. "Are you okay?"

Harry just held on to me for dear life. I pulled him away from me to look at him, and that's when I noticed the lightning shaped scar on his forehead.

"That's were the curse hit him," Hagrid was saying. "They say You-Know-Who was defeated by him."

"I'm taking him with me, Hagrid," I informed him. "I'm his godfather."

"Now, Sirius, I have strict orders from Dumbledore to take him to his aunt's house," said Hagrid. I nearly screamed.

"But he's my godson!"

"But Dumbledore–"

"I don't care what Dumbledore says! My best friend and his wife were just murdered! I'm the only person Harry has left!" I yelled. Harry started crying and I held him closer.

"Now, Sirius, I'm just following orders," Hagrid argued. "If you want, go talk to Dumbledore tomorrow. But, right now I have to take little Harry with me."

I thought for a moment, and finally gave in. Not before I held Harry for a little longer, I was practically trembling.

"There, there, Sirius," said Hagrid, patting me on the back. "You'll get through this."

I simply nodded. I was not going to cry. Not in front of Hagrid anyway.

"Take my bike," I said, handing him the baby. "I don't think I will need it anymore."

"But, you love this bike!"

"I don't need it," I said, shaking my head. "Go now… it could be dangerous if you leave later." I apparated into the forest and watched from behind the trees as Hagrid took Harry with him.

As soon as they were out of sight I went back to where Lily's body was lying and carried it towards the edge of the forest, away from the mess. I then carried James' body and put it next to Lily's, sitting down beside them.

"I guess this is goodbye, mate," I said looking over at James' body. "Came too soon, huh?"

"Lily, I…" I couldn't bring myself to finish that sentence. I just sat there looking at them. Not believing their bodies were actually lifeless. "I'm sorry…" I whispered.

"This is all my fault…" the tears starting spilling out like mad, but I wasn't trying to stop them anymore.

I tried my best not to scream. I didn't have a friend anymore… I didn't have my best friend with me anymore.

I just sobbed. I couldn't believe it. I would never be able to believe it.

Then that hunger for revenge came over me. Peter had told on them. Peter was a Death Eater. Peter killed them… no… I, Sirius Black, killed them. But now I only had one thing in my mind: Find Peter Pettigrew.

I wanted to know why. I _needed_ to know why. Why would he do such things? Why would he betray his best friends? Why? It was all I needed to know. What I was going to find out.

"I'll take care of, Harry, mate," I said. "I won't let you down." A slight breeze brushed the hair out of my face. It was James. I know it was. And he was trying to warn me about something… But, I didn't listen.

I stood up, and taking one last glance at their lifeless bodies I apparated.

It was hours before I encountered Peter, in a street full of muggles. I didn't really expect to find him anywhere else. He was a coward.

"Well, well, Peter," I said. He looked back at me trembling.

"Sirius," he said. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your way to Azkaban?" he said with a little more confidence.

"Funny," I replied. "I was about to ask you the same thing… Tell me something, Peter. Did it satisfy you to kill Lily and James?"

He just stared at me. The fear coming over him again.

"You know, if you had come clean about this, we would've been there for you. We would've helped yo–"

"Like you can just hand out your resignation to, my Lord," he said. "It's a lifetime of service… you should know."

Bastard. He was trying to make me think about Regulus.

"Do they give you a lifetime achievement award or something for serving the worst wizard that has ever existed? I mean, he was defeated by a one-year old… That must be really embarrassing," I said.

"You and your little jokes, Sirius. I hope the Dementors in Azkaban like them or you'll be in a lot of trouble," he said viciously. "Or they might even want to give you a little kiss."

"All I want to know is why, Peter?" I asked. "Why did you betray your friends?"

"They are not powerful enough to keep me alive, Sirius," he replied, I could feel my hand closing over my wand. "As soon as the dark lord recovers he will take over the world… and I will be a very powerful wizard."

I swallowed back tears and nodded my head a little, letting his words sink in.

"Pete, your brain damage has really affected you," I said. "I really never thought, you were actually this dumb."

"Dumb? I'm the only one getting alive out of this," he said. "As soon as my Lord comes back I will be his servant… I will be serving the greatest wizard that ever existed."

"Dumbledore is the greatest wizard, Peter," I reminded him. "I mean, even your dear master knows it."

"Sirius, I would really want to stay here and chat, but I have things to do," and before I could register any of this he started shouting and crying.

"LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS! HOW COULD YOU?" he yelled, the muggles who were nearby stared. I stared. What was he doing?

"THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS! AND YOU KILLED THEM!" I took out my wand but before I could even think he had blown half the street apart and just like that he was gone.

It took me sometime to register what he had done. I could see bloodied bodies everywhere, people screaming and pointing at me. And, all this time I stared in disbelief.

Then, I saw it. Peter had transformed into a rat and was standing next to a finger. _His_ finger. The little rat had faked his own death. I followed the stupid rat until he was out of sight.

A rat had outsmarted me. He had faked his own death. And, I was going to be the one to blame for all of it.

All this time I had believed Remus to be the spy. All this time I had been trusting the wrong person. All this time was a lie.

While the aurors arrested me, I didn't even put up a fight. The little rat was right… I was going to Azkaban.

I killed Lily and James. I was going to be charged for killing about twelve muggles. I was going to be charged for killing Peter.

Fifteen people. I was going to Azkaban for killing fifteen people. And I was innocent.

I was innocent.

I was going to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban.

I was not going to be able to see Marissa.

I was not going to be able to see Harry grow.

My life had just turned upside down.

And all I could do was laugh.

I just laughed.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay… so I had to hold back tears while writing this chapter because my mental picture was so horrible! I could even see the people dead on the street.

Thanks for the two people who reviewed last chapter, very appreciated.

Happy New Year!!!!

I'm going to go and get a tissue now… review!


	12. Normal

**Chapter Twelve:** Normal

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so it's been almost seven months since I last updated and I deserve to be cursed for it.

Anyway, this chapter is not in Sirius' point of view but from the various different persons who saw him during the twelve years he was in Azkaban. His point of view of the situations will be next chapter

Enjoy! (A longer author's note is at the end, please take the time and patience to read it)

* * *

There were tears in his eyes. They had been there for quite a while now. What was it about them, huh? What was it about tears that when you really wanted to feel them fall, they remained blurring your vision. He didn't know, but Sirius Black is not a man who ever has tears in his eyes.

"Care to explain?" I said, not completely sure he would answer me.

There were a good fifteen seconds in which he just sat there at the other side of the bars, looking as though he had not heard a thing. But he looked at me, and he showed pure loathing in his eyes. He hated me, that I was sure of. He didn't have a 'valid' reason to hate me. He hated me because he feels I'm responsible for his mistake. And tomorrow he was going to Azkaban for it.

"Get out of here, Remus," he said searching my eyes for a reaction.

"Fine," I said shrugging. "Just fine…" I turned around and he spoke again.

"I didn't do it, Moony," he said, looking at me with piercing eyes. "You know I loved them… I would've never…"

I smiled sadly. I didn't see a trace of fakeness or maliciousness. I saw sincerity… truth. But, I couldn't and wouldn't believe it. He knew it would happen.

"You were hoping I would believe you, weren't you, Sirius," I said knowingly. He almost smiled.

"Just go, Remus," he said, looking up at me with hatred in his, tears gone. "I'm not going to change your mind about how you feel about me without proof… so, just get out of here."

I looked at him surprised. This brought back memories of that night in sixth year when we told him he had to prove himself worthy of being a marauder. I frowned at the memory—

"Out, Remus, goddamnit!" he yelled before I had time to speak. I looked up at him once more, nodded and left without looking back.

* * *

"…I tried, Sirius," a soft voice was saying. "But Barty won't see it as I do. I'm afraid he won't give you a trial."

"Yeah, I supposed you tried really hard, didn't you, Dumbledore?" said Sirius sarcastically. "Did in your little conversation you happened to mention that time I tried to kill Snape? 'Cause if you didn't you should go now, you know, give him a little more background information so that no one else will stand a fucking chance at trying to get me a trial!"

"Sirius, you must calm down—"

"Go calm down someone else!" said Sirius. "You of all people should know I didn't tell Voldemort where Lily and James were hiding. You of all fucking people should know I loved them and would've done anything for them—"

"Sirius—" Dumbledore tried again but Sirius cut him off.

"— I thought you were supposed to give people second chances but in the most important moment of my life. When I need a chance to explain what happened however non-believable it may be you run out of chances!"

"Sirius," said Dumbledore in a way that he finally shut up and let the old bastard speak (**A/N**: now aren't you all just dying to know who's narrating? All I know is that she is in the cell across from Sirius.) "I need you to tell me exactly what happened or I am afraid I won't be able to help you."

Sirius tried to speak but he only made an odd sound and started pacing around his cell. He looked up at Dumbledore again as if to say something but only shook his head and continued to pace.

"I can't," he said finally.

"Well," said Dumbledore, looking sadly up at Sirius. "I'm afraid I can't help you."

That made Sirius snap. He looked up at the older man with the utmost hatred. They stared at each other for what seemed like a lifetime before Sirius nodded, took a seat on the stone floor and glared at the floor.

"Just go back to that stupid school of yours," he said, clenching his teeth. "I knew you wouldn't understand…."

"What wasn't I go to understand, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked politely.

"Nothing," said Sirius shrugging. "You don't understand anything. All you do is spend your life trying to put sense into things that don't make any! So just leave me to rot in peace and quiet."

Neither of them spoke for at least five minutes. Sirius knew Dumbledore was trying to read the expression on his face, but it was blank. Sirius Black was not feeling anything anymore.

"Goodbye, Sirius," said Dumbledore. The old man left and I snorted.

"Why, Sirius, you do have a thing for speaking truth from time to time," I said slightly amused.

"And you have a tendency to forget I hate you, Bella," he said through clenched teeth, which only made a giggle escape. A miserable giggle, because soon enough the Dementors were approaching our cells.

"Yep," I answered. "I do forget, Sirius, but bear in mind that the moment we both get out of here and face each other again, the only thing I'm going to forget is that we're related."

"I can hardly wait," he muttered. "I wonder when our minds will be sane enough for that to happen."

If I hadn't felt so cold and miserable I would've probably laughed. "I don't need a sane mind for that, Sirius…. Besides, we've never had a sane mind, we're Black's remember?"

"I try not to," was his reply. The last thing he said to me, as the Dementors finally arrived and were not feeling particularly happy about a normal situation in an abnormal place.

* * *

It was my first inspection ever to Azkaban. The farther along the castle I walked the more I felt depressed. It wasn't so much the effect the Dementors had on me but the state in which these people were in. They probably deserved it but none of them looked human. None of them look sane… except for one person in particular and the most heavily guarded prisoner in the whole castle… Sirius Black.

I knew everything about him, of course, but he seemed _normal_. It was as though he got himself inside by mistake and was currently plotting a way to get himself out. He was always deep in thought, occasionally muttering something to himself.

I was so amazed I even stopped dead in my tracks when he greeted me. I mean, Sirius Black, the murderer of thirteen muggles, the one who caused the deaths of his best friends, said hello in the most bored voice I'd ever heard. He was talking to me, Amelia Bones, and I was taken very aback.

"Well, hello," I said, trying to compose myself. He smiled at me and went back to staring at the wall. I shook my head before continuing ahead. But never in the rest of the walk around the place, could I take my mind off of him. I had to give him a little credit because if he hadn't blabbed Voldemort would still be around but he caused the death of _thirteen_ muggles.

It was so overwhelming to walk back along the corridor he was in. I saw that his cell was probably the most heavily guarded but still he was looking bored when I passed him again, and it disturbed me. If I hadn't known any better I would've thought I saw hatred and a trace of viciousness in his eyes. He wasn't haunted. He was yelling himself hoarse. He wasn't shivering or shaking at the cold. He was _normal_.

* * *

In my years as Minister of Magic, I'd never been in the case where I had to be the one to inspect Azkaban prison twice in less than two weeks, but given the circumstances that no one else seem up for that horrible trip up north, I had to.

My mind was running wild I mean, I _am_ Minister of Magic, I shouldn't be making this trips to visit people who deserve to be locked up and away from the contacts of sane human beings. Nevertheless, it was my duty and I had to attend to it to keep up my image as an _excellent_ Minister of Magic.

I had the _Daily Prophet_ with me during the trip to keep from fidgeting. Everyone who's been in this situation knows that this is normal. But, still I found I couldn't read and I kept squishing my bowler hat so that when I finally let go of it to get into the prison it was wrinkled enough to pass for a lime green raisin. I would've laughed at that if the sudden coldness hadn't knocked the air out of me.

Of all the things I expected from a place such as Azkaban, seeing a mass murderer looking bored and relaxed wasn't one of them. I mean, this was Sirius Black! He killed thirteen people! He ought to have lost his mind by now, I mean, I would've, and I haven't done a tenth of the things he's done and I never will.

"Hey, Minister," he said.

I gaped at him for a full minute and was sure he could see the fear in my eyes for he smiled. A _smile_ in _Azkaban_. This guy's conscience was rotten.

"Well — er — hello," I said uncomfortably.

"Are you finis with that paper, Minister?" he said, sounding horribly bored. "I haven't really seen one in years and I miss doing the crossword."

"Sur —" I cleared my throat. "Yes, sure…sure… here you go," I said passing the paper through his cell bars. It was quite unnerving to see him act and talk so normal.

"Thanks, Minister," he said and I gave an involuntary shudder. It was then I noticed he was calling me Minister and coming out of his mouth it didn't sound right.

"Have a good day, Black," I said, pulling myself together and walking away. When I got to the end of the corridor I heard a snort of disgust followed by bitter laughter and I knew it was coming from _his_ cell.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay first off, thank you so much to angelfan2000 for snapping me out of my non-writing mood!

Now, I know I've not update in such a long time and you don't want excuses but I feel like I owe you an explanation.

This chapter is the hardest I've ever had to write. I had eleven different versions and none of them seemed to work. So I tried and tried until I came up with the idea of getting into the memory of those who saw him during his twelve years in Azkaban.

I came up with another version I really like and I will be posting it the second I can get my hands on a computer (mine isn't working). So anyway, the other version is Sirius' point of view of this, it's going to be longer and it's going to be slightly different.

I'll try to post it by the end of the week. Please forgive me for the lateness and hope you enjoyed it!

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	13. Silent Misery

**Chapter Thirteen:** Silent Misery

"_What foolishness people believe in has to do with how foolish they, themselves are."_

_

* * *

_

I have never cried. I'm not about to start now. I'm going to jail. It's the end of the world. What's the point of crying?

Okay, so I'm lying. I cry every night. It's about the best thing I can do. Because there is nothing worse than watching everyone else get what you want and they don't deserve it. They did not crave it. It was all handed to them.

But Remus didn't come here to tell me that. He came here to stare at me. To judge me. I won't ever be able to explain the look in his eyes. He knew that no matter how many times he asked me I was not going to answer. I couldn't bring myself to it. Who in this world would believe me? WHO?

But I already knew the answer to that question….

No one.

No one would believe poor little twenty-one year old Sirius Black. Not Remus not anyone because in every one's mind I _was_ capable of murder. Even if it was my best friends.

"Get out of here, Remus," I said looking at him straight in the eye. He was going to leave. He gave me a chance to explain and I let it slip. Just like every other chance I was going to be handed just like that. I don't need any chances to prove myself worthy of their trust. They had their chances of trusting me a long time ago.

* * *

People really don't get tired of staring at me through a cell door with sympathy and pity in their eyes do they? It's been six months since I've been sitting on a jail cell at the Ministry waiting for a stupid trial I am so sure I'm not getting I'm about to yell at them to take me to Azkaban already. 

My pleas were answered. Dumbledore just came to deliver the news in the most nauseating, pitying, sympathetic, all three-in-one voice I've ever heard. For goodness sake! If you're bringing me news at least make sure I cannot be able to fucking predict them!

"_I tried, Sirius_," I think mockingly as Dumbledore stares at me waiting for a reaction. He wants a reaction? He's getting a reaction.

"Yeah, I supposed you tried really hard, didn't you, Dumbledore?" I said sarcastically. "Did in your little conversation you happened to mention that time I tried to kill Snape? 'Cause if you didn't you should go now, you know, give him a little more background information so that no one else will stand a fucking chance at trying to get me a trial!"

There. There he has a reaction. Not the smartest reaction, but a reaction nonetheless. Oh, my, what I would give to strangle the old man right now. I would give my left arm and strangle him with the right cause god damnit he's getting on my nerves with the 'I tried' and the 'Tell me what happened' shit.

HELLO! Don't you think that if I could tell you what happened I would? But I can't! It's absurd! Who in this world would believe that Peter. Yes, Peter, the little rat, Peter Pettigrew was James Potter's secret keeper? Who? Who would believe that such a smart guy would actually put that idiot rat as secret keeper? And that's not even the funny part. I actually thought it was going to work!

Please, I'd rather take my chances in Azkaban.

"Why, Sirius, you do have a thing for speaking truth from time to time," said Bellatrix slightly amused.

I clench my teeth automatically every time I hear her speak. It's like nails on a chalkboard. If I had a fucking galleon for every time I have wanted to put a silencing charm on queen bitch I could save a third world country.

She is so good at forgetting I hate her but she can't forget that little fact that we are related. Of course, I can't either. Guess we still have something in common.

"Bear in mind that the moment we both get out of here and face each other again, the only thing I'm going to forget is that we're related," she was also a fantastic writer…

* * *

She was released the next day and sent definitely to Azkaban six months later were we would have just one more conversation…

* * *

I could see her walking along the corridor and the farther along she walked the more fear that clouded her eyes. The more her fake smile would falter and the more ghostly she would look. I knew it was her first inspection so I wanted her to feel at home… (in a sardonic kind of way…) 

"Hello, Amelia," I said planting a smile on my face. She jumped five feet out of her skin when she heard me. Up close and surrounded by all the dementors outside of my cell she looked more depressed than ever.

I'm taking a wild guess and say that she was very surprise at the fact that I, the most heavily guarded prisoner of Azkaban Prison is the most normal person in the place…

Remorse, regret, a sense for revenge, and being my mothers son can come in handy once in a while.

But, seriously, Amelia looked as though she was scared that I could be so bored… but it really is not my fault that there is nothing to do here but relieve past memories that truly after living them once, a replay doesn't really affect me.

I was so sure she was thinking that how a person who had killed thirteen muggles, and his two best friends could be so calm. I'll tell you why.

I didn't kill them myself. I just sent someone to do it for me. (In a way, anyway).

Why something so normal for me was so random for some people?

* * *

Fudge. Fudge. Fudge. Sounds like I'm craving for a hot fudge sundae but no, I have just realized that the worst Minister of Magic in the History of Magic has just arrived for an inspection in Azkaban. Cornelius Fudge… what an ugly ass name. 

From the moment I first laid eyes on the guy today I knew he was more scared than Wormtail when I caught up with him twelve years ago… ah, those were the days… Bastard.

Back to Fudgie. As he got closer and closer to my cell I could feel an overwhelming urge to laugh like I'd never laughed before. I mean the guy was pale, pale like he had just seen a ghost. Actually, I take that back. He looked like a ghost. He actually looked like Peeves… oh well.

The point is that I wanted to laugh so hard the moment I asked for the newspaper he was carrying. I actually laughed once he was at the end of the hallway. But I didn't laugh at him. My laughter was that of triumph, delight, bitterness, all in one. I felt like I could do anything and succeed. Like I had just drank half a glass of Felix Felicis. But who wouldn't laugh a bitter, cold laugh when in the front page of the newspaper, sitting on the shoulder of a thirteen year old kid is your worst enemy. The guy who sent you to Azkaban. The biggest idiot to walk this earth… Peter Pettigrew was staring back at me.

I laughed.

* * *

Laughter only lasts for so long. One person can change dramatically from one moment of joy to the next. Bitter laughs are the ones that end the day in tears because one realizes one is a failure. Or one realizes, too late, that one was never a failure, but that he succeeded in his own way. Twelve years I spent grieving my friends. Reviving my own pathetic life. Hoping for revenge. Silently everyday I have suffered because I didn't know how I could ever be able to live peacefully. To get the hell out of here and hope for the best. And it had never been so clear to me that the way out of here was the same way Peter kept himself out of Azkaban. The same he had had to live for the past twelve years. One time James said that becoming Animagi would not only help Remus but it would help us in a strange way. I never knew he would be right.

* * *

Disclaimer: If you don't believe me… sue me. 

A/N: So I deserve to be shot and buried for being such an irresponsible writer and leaving you all for months with a pathetic chapter (and this one is it's continuation) but school will be over on friday then i have finals then I won't have school until Janury 11 so you can bug me about updating all you want and it'll be my pleasure to comply. Thank you for all your reviews, they have inspired me to write more and more because I totally love this fic.

And special thanks to **Nicole Black** for updating her fic (you guys should all go read it because it is one of the best here) which inspired me to finish this short chapter. Don't worry... it might be short but I will try to update at the end of this week.


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